Re: [WALKIES] Walkies -- a poast about walking

If you had your cell phone with you, you should have called 911. Throwing
your offering out of the window is littering and subject to fine,
imprisonment and such other punishment as a court martial shall direct.

Leon




"gekko" <gekko@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:slrndfkmpo.elv.crinkles@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> [Also posted to my fitness blog, www.royerfatness.gov]
>
> I was running out of healthy bottled water (city tap
> water contributes to unhealthiness, and not drinking water
> contributes to obesity), so I decided to walk to the store
> to pick up a few more jugs (of water, you buffoons!).
>
> EVERYONE, btw, should be sure to drink PLENTY of water.
> I intend to get that legislated in some fashion. A sin
> tax on peeps who don't. Or something.
>
> But, I digress.
>
> If I were one of those poor obese slobs that Jorsh was yammering
> on about, I'd have to walk five miles, and the store would
> be a convenience store, and there would not be any water for
> sale, but there would be 2 liter bottles of sugary cola. I'd
> have to coerce my 14 children into lugging the bottles home
> for me.
>
> Luckily, I am wealthy and so I have a beautifully appointed
> fully stocked grocery store that's only a mile away. I've
> sent the rugrats off to their weekly manicure appointments (they
> took the SUV and the Jag) so I was left to carry the bottles
> home myself.
>
> I don't mind. Since I am wealthy, I am also fit. Ask me
> about it, some time, and I will tell you exactly how you, too,
> can become wealthy and fit.
>
> But the weather was simply *awful!*
>
> I am accustomed to doing my daily walks in 110 degree warmth
> and, when I step outside, I am confident that the air will just
> suck all the moisture out of my body -- zzzap -- and I'll be
> lighter than expensive goose down and the walk will not be too
> strenuous.
>
> But we're experiencing our monsoon weather here in the desert. This
> has caused a drop in the temperature to a right chilly 82 F and the
> humidity has soared from -10 to 65%! It's like walking through a
> marble-floored olympic sized swimming pool!
>
> I've had to wring out the Neurotic Dog three times today!
>
> But, again, I digress.
>
> As I was engaging in my health-imbuing fast-walk, purchases clutched
> on either side of me, arms swinging so as to pump up
> my heart and get a good caloric burn going, a car pulled
> along side. It was an older, beat up car. The driver
> was male. His windows were all rolled down, which in Arizona
> means the car was without A/C. He had an open bag of
> cheez doodles on the seat next to him. A sticky 64 oz
> mug of some dark carbonated beverage lolled out of a
> cup holder he'd mounted to his dash.
>
> He leaned over when I glanced in his direction.
>
> "Excuse me, miss. But do you have far to go?"
>
> I fixed him with my best steely glare.
>
> "Sir," I said. "I do not. It is only a mile to my home, and
> I am, as you can see, a fine and physically fit example of
> prime womanhood. A mile is NOTHING. Besides, I see that
> you are a consumer of *junk* food, and I'll have you know
> I HEARTILY disapprove of YOUR type of lifestyle."
>
> I then dug into my purse, withdrew a Health & Fitness
> tract from the small stack I keep in there for these
> occasions, and tossed it onto the seat next to the cheez
> doodles.
>
> He screeched his tires as he drove off, and I think I saw
> the tract flutter out of his window.
>
> The nerve of that guy! Expecting ME to forgo my exercise
> so he could indulge in his greasy little junk food fantasies,
> forcing me to eat his cheez doodles and guzzle his sugary
> cola!
>
>
>
> --
> gekko
>
> In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence
> of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.


.

Relevant Pages

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