Re: Don't Join the Military & Serve Our Crooked Politicians
- From: Observer <noone@nowhere>
- Date: Tue, 12 May 2009 01:11:25 -0400
On Sun, 10 May 2009 15:21:23 -0700, wmbjkREMOVE@xxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
On Sun, 10 May 2009 15:19:47 -0400, Deucalion <someone@xxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
On Sun, 10 May 2009 10:49:57 -0500, §ñühw¤£f <snuhwolf@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
He's like the quintisential Crazy Uncle, all liquored up and on about
his daring do...
Yeah, I know. I'm trying to egg him into posting his next installment
by posting things that he will pretend not to see because of his
imaginary kill file. I can hardly wait, but I'm not sure where he
will go in the next episode.
So far he has had heart stints, hanged his dog, had a triple bypass,
admitted that no one with his name was in the military, left his
military and police experience off his job history, been caught
claiming to be a licensed engineer, been caught not paying his
property taxes for over a decade, said he doesn't have a wife but she
lives with him, said his son isn't his son, told us that his wife went
out and found a real man (probably because he keeps thinking about sex
with men himself) and the list just goes on.
I can't wait to see what he claims next.
I can only think of 10 predictions right now...
1. A rich uncle "passed", leaving gummer a small stipend that happens
to come on the first of each month. Complains that waiting by the
mailbox always gives him a sore neck requiring several extra emergency
room visits. Is furious that lawyer wants retainer in order to sue
coun... er, unc... er, post office.
2. Freed from keeping up the pretense of working, finally hits
average of 500 Usenet posts per day, partly by starting multiple
threads discussing heavy-duty keyboards and hemaroid pillows.
3. Announces latest extreme survival strategy of watering down the
Mountain Dew in order make it last until the next check arrives.
4. Due to a "dem" conspiracy, local animal control agency writes him
a letter demanding he purchase tags for all his dogs. Now answering
trailer door wearing Groucho glasses, and pretending to be "Jeeves".
5. "Lefty" grandkid takes header after tripping on kittens, requiring
unplanned $5 of fuel for hospital trip. Which in turn causes phone to
be cut off again. Pens rant about phone company milking hard-working
ex-CIA taxpayers. Challenges grandkid to a duel at 327 Olive.
6. Visits hypnotist, discovers that in previous life he was a nylon
stocking that was used as a fan belt on Einstein's rowboat.
7. Demands that all welfare recipients prove that they've been
actively looking for work. Belatedly tries to cancel post, then claims
that Evil Bark Wieber has been hacking into his account again.
Describes colorful and glorious fight to the death at a secret
location where Bark has become gummer's one millionth kill.
8. Gets letter from Stolen Valor folks. Replies insisting they have
the wrong address, that his name is Bark Wieber, and that his friend's
mother worked at the DMV and listed him as Mark so that he could
attend "Mark Day" celebration at the Taft Buddhist temple.
9. Returns after 2 month absence, complains that dastardly commie
Klinton power companies rip off "retired veterans" for electricity
that nobody really needs anyway. Asks if someone will donate a decent
generator to his poor underprivileged "cousin".
10. Suggests armed revolution to kill any manager who won't allow
wifi freeloaders to bring their personal commodes into public
libraries.
Wayne
APPLAUSE!
__
The last official act of any government is the looting of the nation.
.
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