Re: The police just brought my daughter home!!

On Sat, 10 Jun 2006 18:23:13 +0200, "Jane" <?> wrote:

"Big Gun" <none@xxxxxxxx> a écrit dans le message de news:
p4ml82p3ktoipma8v7iavvmoinj9m7b7fo@xxxxxxxxxx

| Wow. A kind post between us? Is the world ending?

Just think of me as someone climbing Everest and stopping to help out a dying
soul along the way. <Btw -- I'm scared shitless of heights -- so imagine the
effort I'm making>.

| Thanks for the
| advice and it's even mostly on the mark. I am going to punish her and
| she knows this but the restriction on the freedoms will continue
| indefinately. We moved here to Key West to get her away from what we
| thought was a "bad element" in NC. But as the months go by I have
| discovered that my daughter is the only "bad element" in her group of
| friends in either state. At this point we are being forced to limit
| her activities purely for saftey reasons before things get too far out
| of control. I am truly afraid for her health and future.

You know what BG? You've won half the battle. You're not blaming *others* for
her actions -- you're blaming *her*. From my experience too many parents search
to shift the blame on to others instead of realising that it's their own kid at
fault. It's not always the case, of course, but I'd say a majority of times it
is (like it was for my son) and if the parents refuse to admit that, then the
solution will never be found.

| I wasn't always the straight up boyscout type that my wife and the
| military made me into (mostly my wife).

We all make mistakes -- when they turn out to be something we can gain from then
they're no longer mistakes, but learning curves.

| Fortunately I was arrested and
| charged with a couple of serious offenses when I was younger; the most
| serious of which was a wake up call for me beacause it could have led
| to a three year prison sentence (no I never did any prison or jail
| time and I was found "not guilty" and no I won't share my mispent
| youth with the group). I was meandering along living off of my mother
| drinking and doing drugs while getting barely good enough grades in
| college to keep saying I was a student. My mom was barely surviving
| while I want to the local community college; we really were pretty
| damned poor on top of me being the bad apple that I was.

You ended up telling us about your mispent youth -- not that I consider it
mispent at all BG. No mention of a dad either. Dunno if that was deliberate
but it's revealing.

My dad died about seven years ago but he wasn't around much. He left
my mom as they arrived at my dad's parents house after a 2000 mile
drive from California. They had been married about 15mos. He was a PoS
his whold life. He was a brilliant thinker (PhD, taught at Boston
Cllege for 30+ years) but the scum of the earth. He was married six
times and had three other *** children that we knew about. He
disavowed all of them but me and I have always beleived that that was
because I was greatly involved with his parents on a daily basis. They
*made* him pay attention. Still, he lived on Boston and we lived on
Atlanta so we only saw each other about once a year for long visits.


| My daughter
| is way less dangerous than I was at her age so there really isn't
| anything she can try to put over on me; I have already done it all. If
| she was a boy I'd really be in her head right now but since she's a
| girl I'm at a loss as to her motivations.

Why? Why is it so comprehensible in a boy but not in a girl? Why would her
motivations be any different to a boy's motivations? Dunno if it's good or bad,
but think of Cyndi Lauper's song "girls just wanna have fun" TOO BG. Why
shouldn't they? I know that you *pretend* to be ultra-conservative, but,
especially knowing a weeny bit from your past now, weren't there girls in your
entourage when you were living it up? Why shouldn't your daughter crave for
freedom like you did, or like your sons might? There's no difference you
know -- girls are just braver now than they were before -- they've realised that
the way they're *supposed* to act and behave is a load of BS. Also, I was a
hothead and that's what provoked animosity between me and my son -- how can an
adolescent rebel if the parent has been through it all before?

I used drugs, alcohol and crime to meet loose girls with the same
moral compass I had. Period. There was no other reason for the way I
acted. If my daughter is the same way then we are both screwed.

Now I *am* ultra conservative. I came from the cesspool of humanity
and am proof that there is nothing that can't be done if one really
wants to change and improve themselves. There is really no
satisfactory excuse for lack of self-improvement or success in life.
Oh, and I used to be a Democrat when younger too.


| I can only assume that she's
| sneaking out to see a boy and that really scares me. If she's spending
| too much unaccounted time with a guy she WILL end up pregnant at 15.

Not if you get her to see a gynaecologist and get her on the pill. Swallow your
pride BG. She's a modern woman and you need to adjust to modern life -- if you
don't, you're both going to be really miserable.

That's a consideration but I leave these discussions to my wife. They
are both more comfortable with it than I.


The Village Idiot

; )



--

Life's tough.
It's tougher if you're stupid.

John Wayne
.

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