Re: Five questions feared by men


Derf wrote:
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers
incorrectly (I.e.,tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service,
each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.


** Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the
true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy,
who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I
would be talking to you."


** Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer
is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

1. Oh Yeah, ***-loads.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?


** Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the
incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.


** Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:

1. Yes, but you have a better personality
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
4. Define pretty
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I
would spend the insurance money if you died.


** Question # 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a
Corvette and a boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for
at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these
lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: ( makes audible groan )
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace
them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Hoover dam.

--
Regards, Fred

I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now.

Edna Mode

# 6 - Have you washed since you scratched yourself there?

.

Loading