Re: The Lizzie Borden syndrome

I don't think the numbers are a vital part of the statistic. The domestic
violence I endured (although most of the abuse was emotional, not physical)
was never reported, although I did go through counseling. It seems that
even if you're healthy emotionally before an abuser, there's a strong
tendency even after counseling to wind up in other abusive relationships.
It's a pattern that takes a lot of counseling and a lot of determination to
change.

As for who abuses more, who can tell? Is "well, she hit me back" enough of
an example of domestic violence perpetrated by a woman? If we start saying
that men who are abused don't report it do we then have an excuse to inflate
the numbers? The fact is that men and women both become victims of this
kind of violence. People in homosexual relationships become victims of this
kind of relationship. The statistics can show the significance of the
problem, but cannot show a full picture any more than a swatch of fabric can
accurately show a dress.

The model that should be looked at is the power and control wheel
(http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/wheel.htm) and remove gender from the
examples, and compare it to the equality wheel
(http://www.cobar.org/group/display.cfm?GenID=194) which is based on mutual
trust and respect.

Why do victims stay? There are many reasons that make it difficult for
someone to leave a relationship.
http://www.ci.kent.wa.us/domesticviolence/generalinfo/whystay.asp

I am also noticing a strong trend among younger people to fall victim to
boyfriends/girlfriends who abuse them, in college, in high school, and even
in middle school. It's a sickening trend that needs to be stopped.


.

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