Re: eye contact

"Sarah V." <nannyogg@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

On Feb 24, 7:16 pm, Beliavsky <beliav...@xxxxxxx> wrote:
My 3yo boy is not as outgoing as his older brother, but I would not
call him withdrawn, either. He plays well with his siblings and his
parents, and after a while he "warms up" around non-family members.
His preschool teacher wrote on his progress report that he typically
likes to play by himself, for example doing puzzles, and that she is
trying to get him playing more with other kids. She told my wife she
is "working on his eye contact". She thinks he does not maintain
enough eye contact when she speaks to him, but I have not noticed a
problem.

I think some teachers, especially extroverted ones, may be too quick
to "diagnose" personality issues with kids who are on the introverted
side. There may be cultural differences at play, too. Americans value
"looking someone in the eye", but some cultures don't (we are Asian
Indian).

The little guy likes school, so there is no big problem, just
rambling.

While teachers should obviously not be diagnosing any child, I do
think it appropriate for them to at least mention to parents if
they've noticed things that can be potential markers for problems.

This is quite true. However sometimes the teacher is an idiot. I
once had a teacher complain to me that my 3rd grade daughter was 'not
normal' because she never talked about her friends - only her sisters.
Well duh - we moved to that school (in Maryland) from Florida just
before school started. She didn't HAVE any friends yet.

Of course it was about that time that I found out that many the
children in the class who DID come from that area had been terrified
of this teacher by being told by other students that she was mean. My
neighbor on the corner commented to me that her son had just stopped
crying when she put him on the school bus. I asked dd about this, and
her response was, "Oh nobody cries now except Janie and she only cries
in reading group."

I've twice had a member of my son's nursery school staff call me aside
to mention markers they've seen of a potential problem. The first
time, they raised questions about motor issues. I didn't think that
was a problem, explained why not, and that was the end of the issue.
I wasn't at all bothered that they'd raised it with me - I felt they
were being responsible in asking the question.

The second time, it was that he didn't show any interest in the other
children and seemed to sometimes become locked in on one activity and
ignore the world around him. I was interested that she'd said that
because it fitted in with other things that my husband and I had
noticed that raised the question of autistic spectrum disorder. This
conversation was actually the deciding factor in us going ahead with
getting a diagnosis, and, yes, he does have autistic spectrum disorder
- which, by the way, is not the huge terrible thing that the media
make it out to be, but just means he has a different pattern of
strengths and difficulties from the average child his age and needs
some special help to deal with some parts of day-to-day life. I was
very glad that the staff member had raised her concerns, because it
clarified for me that things that hadn't been a problem in the home
setting might become so in other settings, and hence meant that we
could get a diagnosis before he started school, thus meaning we could
get the help he needed in place in good time.

The point is, I consider it completely appropriate for a teacher to
raise concerns with a parent if she has them. Some people here seem
to be taking it as some sort of insult for a teacher to raise the
issue. I would say it's responsible and correct behaviour. As Donna
pointed out, it may well not end up being anything; but I still think
they're right to raise any concerns that are there.


All the best,

Sarah
.

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