Re: OPC... Other People's Children

On Sep 29, 3:09 am, Chookie <ehreben...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
In article <48dcee5c$0$308$b45e6...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
kev...@xxxxxxx (Beth Kevles) wrote:

I'm not sure why the school (where the lessons are taking place) doesn't
have a behavior policy. In most places like this, children who are
disruptive are simply removed from the class, no refunds given. If the
school lacks such a policy, you might suggest that they make one. If
they DO have such a policy, ask that they enforce it. In either event,
nothing will change if you fail to bring the problem to the teacher's
attention. If this child is so disruptive that YOUR child isn't
learning, you need to speak out and, if steps aren't taken, request a
refund. (Requesting a refund will certainly get their attention.)

Well, this is where it gets tricky, isn't it? The mother had two children
attending classes, and of course the school wishes to hang on to the income.
And Monster Girl isn't a psychopath; she's a foot-dragging annoyance. If the
music school says she isn't welcome any more, the little horror has 'won'.
Bad all round -- the girl's behaviour won't improve anywhere she doesn't want
to be, she won't have had musical training, and her mother and a teacher have
lost the battle of wills.


I confess my naivete in parenting 10 yr olds, but I think the mistake
was making it a battle of wills. Is it the end of the world if the
girl doesn't have musical training she doesn't want? Now, if she had
insisted on wanting it in the first place, maybe it's wise to make her
stick to it. But if she was being forced to begin with, what's the
point except to make her hate it and cause disruption for all? I'm all
for making kids follow through and exposing them to things they're not
sure they'll like or not, but if music really isn't her cup of tea,
then why insist?

Perhaps the parents need to determine appropriate consequences for the
girl's behaviour, and in the meantime, the school needs to act to
protect its other students. I know I'd be pulling my kid out if she
was constantly suffering from the disruption of another student which
the teacher was doing little to stop. So that would be a lost income
there for the school.

And, FWIW - as a kid I started and stopped a ton of different
activities. I was always trying new ones, and if I didn't like it, I
was allowed to stop. I stuck with a few long term (swimming/diving -
swimming wasn't optional, but fortunately I loved it, and dancing).
other activities I did for a year or two (softball). I certainly
never behaved as this child did, I just told my parents I didn't like
it anymore - music was one of those things (guitar and piano, though I
did stick with flute for a couple of years). All instruments I'd asked
to learn (we had all in our home, since other siblings played), but
once started realized I didn't enjoy it at all. So I quit and went on
to something else. And I'm a person with an *extreme* sense of
perseverance when it's something I want, sometimes to a fault. It's
something my diving coaches *always* remarked on...and so did my
graduate adviser, so I would never label myself a 'quitter'-type,
which is why I don't think it's so horrible to let a kid quit and
activity they don't like.

This doesn't need to be that the child 'wins' this battle. Her
behaviour needs to have some consequences, not just removing from
class. But that's not your concern. Your concern is removing her from
class so she doesn't prevent the other children from learning.


I'm pretty sure the mother and teacher have been trying the 'extinction'
method of ignoring bad behaviour; the problem is that there has really been no
improvement.

Completely ignoring rarely works. I guess with some personality types
it might, but in every case I've seen, it only serves to make the
problem worse. The girl is old enough to understand she has to behave,
and if not there are consequences.
.

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