Re: Getting close to 40, wondering if we should have a 2nd child?

"Kat" <xkatx@xxxxxxxx> wrote:

Depends to a certain extent on whether you are talking about genetic
risks or risks to the mother's health, or risks that the child will
have over-the-hill parents who will die before the child reaches
adulthood.

My oldest SIL is now 58, and his youngest child is 14. By the time
this child is 21, he will be 65 - retirement age. But he keeps himself
in really good shape and his wife (my dd#1 is only 47), so she can
keep up with the kid when he gets old and cranky.

"Paul" <meatnub@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:24b5a77c-e355-4643-a53d-99833e0cee9e@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My wife and I met in our early 30's. Shame we didn't find each other
when we were younger, we would have had like 10 kids by now LOL.

So we had our first last year when I was 36 and she was 35.

We're thinking of having another in a year or two. I will be 38, 39
and DW 36, 37.

I don't think the risk is so much with you. More with your dw, and
she doesn't have as much of a problem as she was only 35 when the
first one was born.

I do think it is harder for a woman to have the first one after 40. My
niece had one at 40 and the next one at 42. Her husband is a part
time SAHD and they have nannies. She will be 61 when her oldest child
is 21 years old. My dd#3 had her third child at age 37. It was her
second C-section and she definitely had a harder time than she did
with the first two.

I hear about people having kids this age, even older. I know there are
risks.

My mom was only about 8 years younger than her youngest uncle. When I
was in the hospital with ds, the lady in the other bed had an uncle
who was only 8. When we lived in Louisiana, the lady next door had
three children (about 3 years apart) and her mother was pregnant.

In order for those things to happen somebody had to have had a child
late in life. In my mom's case, her grandmother had nine children and
of whom my mom's mother was the second oldest. My mom was born when
her mother was 27 so not all that young.

I'm just curious as to what some of you think. Are the risks really as
bad as we are led to believe?

I'm sure others will have more info on this, and all I have to offer is my
own opinion - I don't think I have any real facts or anything to back it up,
which is why I say my opinion ;)

I believe there are some risks with a pregnancy as you get older. But then
again, there's certain people or situations that pose "risks" at any and all
ages. I know people that have struggled with fertility issues and
miscarriages in their "prime" - as young as in their 20s. I also know of
people well into their 40s that have had no issues with pregnancies. One of
my mom's best childhood (and still to this day) friends was married for the
first time and had her first child in her 40s. Her DS is about 6 or so
months older than my DS, which would be my mom's grandchild. My mom will go
to visit her friend and bring DS to play with her friend's DS as they're
close in age and good little buddies. A few years after that, this friend
had a little girl, who is a year and a half (or maybe 2 years?) older than
my DD1 ;) This woman would now be around 52 with an 8 year old and a 5 year
old. No problems at all.

I also think it's partly a personal choice. I'm in my 20s and no, I would
NOT be having a baby once I hit 30. For personal reasons, in my 30s or 40s
would mean starting ALL over again with the whole baby thing. There'd also
be a HUGE age difference in a baby at that age and my oldest. Oldest is 9
in a few months. Mine are almost 9, almost 8, just turned 3 and almost 2.
And one more expected beginning of Feb. If I was to wait say 6 or 7 years
to be in my 30s (or even 10 years to be mid-30s) that would be a newborn
with ones almost ready for university lol

You have one that isn't very old right now, so if you're both healthy and
wanting, I'd say have another before there's a huge age gap and time goes
by. This is, obviously, assuming all goes well. At your age now, you're by
no means 'old' or too old for babies, IMO. For me, my opinion, I wouldn't
want to be 70 going to my child's gr 12 graduation, but today, 60 is not old
(18 years from now you will won't even be 60)

I'm sure a risk is a risk is a risk. I can't say for sure (because I really
don't know much about that) but it doesn't seem like 40 is a bizarre age for
people to be having kids at all, although if you have concerns or anything,
maybe your doctor or some sort of family resource place can give you more
detailed info?

.

Relevant Pages

  • Late baby blues?Blame the men
    ... As a child I dreamt of announcing my birthday in a national newspaper. ... For example, how does the risk of age compare to the risks of, say, smoking, being ... The evidence for this is admittedly a totally unscientific survey of friends, ... we now expect more acquisitive lifestyles, more choice, more freedom. ...
    (soc.men)
  • Re: Pea nut butter
    ... "Dzx St#xx" (sour grapes) ... signed by their doc in the directors file. ... Furthermore these files are updated each time the child goes to the doctor. ... Do you have the risks of amalgams posted in your office? ...
    (sci.med.dentistry)
  • Re: OT - "lie" vs "error"
    ... appointments - my wife helped her get on Medicaid, and even helped her find a job. ... want to do a bit of research on the risks associated with abortion and the risks associated with childbirth. ... do not agree does not change what is and is not, by law, a child and that a child cannot be targeted for abortion. ... facts' are available only when all things have been done. ...
    (comp.lang.cobol)