Re: Driving in the car with Grandma

I get what you're saying about appreciating *your* MIL giving tips and
such.
But so much has to do with the mesh of the personalities, the times of your
lives, etc.  And just how these things are approached.

Yes. you're right. About timing, how it's approached and all of that.
And I think dil and are ALOT, alot alike. So we, I, have to be
careful.

Take things like telling your Chinese-American daughter how to harvest bok choy.
C'mon.  She should be telling *you* about bok choy.  Say - maybe with the
difference in backgrounds there's opportunity for a more reciprocal exchange
about things.  Ask her about cooking and what dishes she could teach you, for
instance.  Then what you have to give her would be more happily accepted.

And ask yourself if some of this looking to see if the other person understood
your advice is about seeing if they're *taking* your advice.  I had a bit of
this with my mother - she'd repeat and repeat until I practically fell down and
hugged her knees about it.  I had to unlearn it myself when I  became
independant and had irritated people tell me about it!

Yes, I understand what you're saying. I definitely have had that
happen, and it's something I'm working on.

It's all out of good will and true interest, I understand.  But it's a little
about being the Knowing One with the advice for the Less Knowing One so there's
a dominance aspect about it that you need to be careful of.  Fostering a
reciprocal relationship may help.

I couldn't agree more. That's what I've tried in respect to her
chinese cooking. Also with having her teach me a few phrases to speak
to her non-english speaking mother. Boy, have you tried to speak
Cantonese Chinese? Man, it's rough. So many tones. It's very
difficult.

When my son and her met, he had her show him some marshall arts. She
threw him over her back. I'm old. I'll not try that one...I may
break. lol



Cheers,
Banty- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

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