Re: Driving in the car with Grandma


"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:6dn0o2F3drv2U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Welches wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
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Rosalie B. wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Just to clarify, your DIL is a full-time student so does that mean
you are also babysitting your granddaughter full time during the
study/working week?

When my dd#1 was a full time student with a baby, she didn't need
babysitting except when she was actually in class. That would NOT
have been full time babysitting. Now it is true that she was a math
major, and had no labs or extensive library research, but her
schedule didn't require anything like a 40 hour week. When I went
to school, a full time student was 16 hours of classes. If you add
some time for going to and from school and picking the child up, it
might be 25 hours at the most.

Still, five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be
irksome and we don't know anything about the OP's babysitting
schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. I
was speaking about my own needs in such a situation, anyway, because
we don't actually know what the babysitting arrangements are. The OP
seemed most concerned about having to restrict the places she can
take the baby for "enrichment", which could mean any number of
activities the OP would like to share with the baby, near or far. I
don't think the OP is wrong to want to broaden the choices for them
both, but ultimately, as we all know, that is up to the parents and
as it should be. But here we have a grandmother who wants to spend time
with her
grandchild and wants to make that time as interesting as possible
for the child, and probably for herself. She sounds like a treasure
and I can understand her disappointment and hope she finds some way
to make this work for her.
<snip>
Sometimes I think I've missed out a whole chunk of a conversation.
How can you tell from what she's written that she's "a treasure"?

She's made a commitment to be available for regular babysitting while the
DIL is in school.

How do you know? She hasn't said so.
She's abiding by the DIL's wishes and merely complaining about them, not
defying them.

She wants to spend (her definition of ) quality time with the child.

Can't you give her any credit at all?

I'll give credit where I see. My point (which you missed) is that you cannot
call her a "treasure" from what she wrote.
There are plenty of reasonable reasons why someone might have that they do
not want their child to be driven in someone elses car. Why don't you give
the dil credit for having a very good reason?

She has said that she's babysitting while her dil does school. We
don't know whether this is paid/how long/whether she begged her dil
to do it/dil begged her to do it.

Is it really relevant whether she's paid or not when she's made it clear
she wants to look after her grandchild? There's no suggestion that it's a
reluctant duty she's taken on.



She's felt it necessary to tell us that her dil has had an accident,
which is irrelevent to whether she herself is safe to take the child
out.

It's background information about why the DIL might be have her
no-driving-the-baby rule and it's fine for the OP to point out that as far
as driving records go, hers is better than the only person her DIL really
wants driving the baby. You don't see the irony?


She says she is a safe driver and has never had an accident with
another vehicle. So do a lot of people who have killed/injured
someone on the road "I don't understand it, it must be their fault,
I'e never had an accident before. I'm such a safe driver...".

See above.


She has also written about her dil "In other aspects of her life she
seems to like to be in control." and "I pointed out to her, that the
only car we can control is our own, and
that even when she is the driver, that is the only thing she can
control." neither of which come over as a pleasant attitude to her
dil.

Maybe not pleasant or tactful, but the second statement is certainly true.
Even with the safest driver in the world anyone in that car is still at
the mercy of the other less-skilled drivers on the road. Or nature, or
freak accidents.

The woman is frustrated and doesn't seem to like her DIL much but she's
hardly an ogre about to start killing people with her car. That was a
pretty huge leap of yours and with far less in evidence than mine that she
is a treasure. Some of us aren't lucky enough to have grandparents live
close enough to help care for our children in practical ways.

And your leap from what I wrote to calling her an "ogre who's about to kill
people with her car"? That's a leap.Where did I say that?

Just as an aside, new parents can be quite controlling but it's fairly
typical for people to think that about others who want to do things their
own, different ways.
You seem to think you have background information to see into this situation
more than has been written.

Debbie


.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... for the child, and probably for herself. ... "It makes me sad that while I am babysitting my granddaughter for my dil while she is going to school full time..." ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... for the child, and probably for herself. ... Also we haven't heard anything about the car seat issues - use, ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... She's made a commitment to be available for regular babysitting while the DIL is in school. ... seems to like to be in control." ...
    (misc.kids)