Re: Driving in the car with Grandma

Welches wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:6dn0o2F3drv2U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Welches wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:6dmt8tF3e0g2U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Just to clarify, your DIL is a full-time student so does that
mean you are also babysitting your granddaughter full time
during the study/working week?

When my dd#1 was a full time student with a baby, she didn't need
babysitting except when she was actually in class. That would NOT
have been full time babysitting. Now it is true that she was a
math major, and had no labs or extensive library research, but her
schedule didn't require anything like a 40 hour week. When I went
to school, a full time student was 16 hours of classes. If you
add some time for going to and from school and picking the child
up, it might be 25 hours at the most.

Still, five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be
irksome and we don't know anything about the OP's babysitting
schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. I
was speaking about my own needs in such a situation, anyway,
because we don't actually know what the babysitting arrangements
are. The OP seemed most concerned about having to restrict the
places she can take the baby for "enrichment", which could mean any number of
activities the OP would like to share with the baby, near or far. I
don't think the OP is wrong to want to broaden the choices for
them both, but ultimately, as we all know, that is up to the
parents and as it should be. But here we have a grandmother who wants to spend
time with her
grandchild and wants to make that time as interesting as possible
for the child, and probably for herself. She sounds like a
treasure and I can understand her disappointment and hope she
finds some way to make this work for her.
<snip>
Sometimes I think I've missed out a whole chunk of a conversation.
How can you tell from what she's written that she's "a treasure"?

She's made a commitment to be available for regular babysitting
while the DIL is in school.

How do you know? She hasn't said so.

She said this which I think indicates some regularity in the sitting.

"It makes me sad that while I am babysitting my granddaughter for my dil while she is going to school full time..."


She's abiding by the DIL's wishes and merely complaining about them,
not defying them.

She wants to spend (her definition of ) quality time with the child.

Can't you give her any credit at all?

I'll give credit where I see. My point (which you missed) is that you
cannot call her a "treasure" from what she wrote.
There are plenty of reasonable reasons why someone might have that
they do not want their child to be driven in someone elses car. Why
don't you give the dil credit for having a very good reason?

I've always said she can make that stipulation, what I've also said is that I would find it an unacceptable one, myself. I can sympathise with her fearfulness, particularly as she has suffered in an accident herself but she isn't here for me to say that to. I also sympathise with the OP, who is (or was) here to respond to.


She has said that she's babysitting while her dil does school. We
don't know whether this is paid/how long/whether she begged her dil
to do it/dil begged her to do it.

Is it really relevant whether she's paid or not when she's made it
clear she wants to look after her grandchild? There's no suggestion
that it's a reluctant duty she's taken on.



She's felt it necessary to tell us that her dil has had an accident,
which is irrelevent to whether she herself is safe to take the child
out.

It's background information about why the DIL might be have her
no-driving-the-baby rule and it's fine for the OP to point out that
as far as driving records go, hers is better than the only person
her DIL really wants driving the baby. You don't see the irony?


She says she is a safe driver and has never had an accident with
another vehicle. So do a lot of people who have killed/injured
someone on the road "I don't understand it, it must be their fault,
I'e never had an accident before. I'm such a safe driver...".

See above.


She has also written about her dil "In other aspects of her life she
seems to like to be in control." and "I pointed out to her, that the
only car we can control is our own, and
that even when she is the driver, that is the only thing she can
control." neither of which come over as a pleasant attitude to her
dil.

Maybe not pleasant or tactful, but the second statement is certainly
true. Even with the safest driver in the world anyone in that car is
still at the mercy of the other less-skilled drivers on the road. Or
nature, or freak accidents.

The woman is frustrated and doesn't seem to like her DIL much but
she's hardly an ogre about to start killing people with her car.
That was a pretty huge leap of yours and with far less in evidence
than mine that she is a treasure. Some of us aren't lucky enough to
have grandparents live close enough to help care for our children in
practical ways.
And your leap from what I wrote to calling her an "ogre who's about
to kill people with her car"? That's a leap.Where did I say that?


You wrote this, copied from above.

She says she is a safe driver and has never had an accident with
another vehicle. So do a lot of people who have killed/injured
someone on the road "I don't understand it, it must be their fault,
I'e never had an accident before. I'm such a safe driver...".



Just as an aside, new parents can be quite controlling but it's
fairly typical for people to think that about others who want to do
things their own, different ways.
You seem to think you have background information to see into this
situation more than has been written.

Not at all, I have no idea whether this is the first child and I'm only guessing that might be the case since there's no mention of other grandchildren.. I am saying that just because the OP says her DIL is controlling doesn't mean that's true and I'm not taking the OP's word on that about her DIL.



.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... for the child, and probably for herself. ... Also we haven't heard anything about the car seat issues - use, ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... She's made a commitment to be available for regular babysitting while the DIL is in school. ... seems to like to be in control." ...
    (misc.kids)