Re: Driving in the car with Grandma

Welches wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:6dmt8tF3e0g2U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Tai" <tainuitiDELETE@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Just to clarify, your DIL is a full-time student so does that mean
you are also babysitting your granddaughter full time during the
study/working week?

When my dd#1 was a full time student with a baby, she didn't need
babysitting except when she was actually in class. That would NOT
have been full time babysitting. Now it is true that she was a math
major, and had no labs or extensive library research, but her
schedule didn't require anything like a 40 hour week. When I went
to school, a full time student was 16 hours of classes. If you add
some time for going to and from school and picking the child up, it
might be 25 hours at the most.

Still, five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be
irksome and we don't know anything about the OP's babysitting
schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. I
was speaking about my own needs in such a situation, anyway, because
we don't actually know what the babysitting arrangements are. The OP
seemed most concerned about having to restrict the places she can
take the baby for "enrichment", which could mean any number of
activities the OP would like to share with the baby, near or far. I
don't think the OP is wrong to want to broaden the choices for them
both, but ultimately, as we all know, that is up to the parents and
as it should be. But here we have a grandmother who wants to spend time with her
grandchild and wants to make that time as interesting as possible
for the child, and probably for herself. She sounds like a treasure
and I can understand her disappointment and hope she finds some way
to make this work for her.
<snip>
Sometimes I think I've missed out a whole chunk of a conversation.
How can you tell from what she's written that she's "a treasure"?

She's made a commitment to be available for regular babysitting while the DIL is in school.

She's abiding by the DIL's wishes and merely complaining about them, not defying them.

She wants to spend (her definition of ) quality time with the child.

Can't you give her any credit at all?

> She has said that she's babysitting while her dil does school. We
don't know whether this is paid/how long/whether she begged her dil
to do it/dil begged her to do it.

Is it really relevant whether she's paid or not when she's made it clear she wants to look after her grandchild? There's no suggestion that it's a reluctant duty she's taken on.


She's felt it necessary to tell us that her dil has had an accident,
which is irrelevent to whether she herself is safe to take the child
out.

It's background information about why the DIL might be have her no-driving-the-baby rule and it's fine for the OP to point out that as far as driving records go, hers is better than the only person her DIL really wants driving the baby. You don't see the irony?


She says she is a safe driver and has never had an accident with
another vehicle. So do a lot of people who have killed/injured
someone on the road "I don't understand it, it must be their fault,
I'e never had an accident before. I'm such a safe driver...".

See above.


She has also written about her dil "In other aspects of her life she
seems to like to be in control." and "I pointed out to her, that the
only car we can control is our own, and
that even when she is the driver, that is the only thing she can
control." neither of which come over as a pleasant attitude to her
dil.

Maybe not pleasant or tactful, but the second statement is certainly true. Even with the safest driver in the world anyone in that car is still at the mercy of the other less-skilled drivers on the road. Or nature, or freak accidents.

The woman is frustrated and doesn't seem to like her DIL much but she's hardly an ogre about to start killing people with her car. That was a pretty huge leap of yours and with far less in evidence than mine that she is a treasure. Some of us aren't lucky enough to have grandparents live close enough to help care for our children in practical ways.

Just as an aside, new parents can be quite controlling but it's fairly typical for people to think that about others who want to do things their own, different ways.

.

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  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Driving in the car with Grandma
    ... babysitting except when she was actually in class. ... five hours out of the day unable to use my car would be ... schedule or the DIL's usual amount of time away from the baby. ... DIL is in school. ...
    (misc.kids)