Re: RSVP (and pinatas)

In article <6904srF2vdu9qU1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, Tai says...

Banty wrote:
In article <68v9ouF2uqoi9U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, Tai says...

hschinske@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
On May 12, 6:44?am, Chookie <ehreben...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:


Is it? ?I'd only ever ask for a phone no. if I expected to need it
in the near future. ?If some random parent waltzed up to me and
asked to swap numbers I'd think she was a bit odd. ?Is that what
you USians do? ?Obviously you are much more free with personal
information than we are: ?if a public school published a student
directory here the principal would probably be hung, drawn and
quartered!


That really surprises me. I'd have thought (though I don't know
precisely why) that folks in the US were much more likely to be
uptight about swapping addresses than those in Australia. Why is it
not done? Is it seen as unsafe somehow?

Not especially, and I'm rather surprised it is wherever Chookie is.

It's standard for the half-dozen or so schools I'm familiar with in
my Australian city for the parents to be asked in the first few
weeks of the new school year if they want their contact details to
be published in a class or year level list given out to all the
children. It's an opt-in system for privacy reasons and over 13
years or so at my children's primary school (for the1st 7 years)
it's been exceptional not to see an address and one or more phone
numbers given for a child. Now they are crammed with email
addresses, as well. Usually it's because the parent forgot to tick
the right box on the bumpf that came home with the child and then
they have to wait until the list is re-issued or phone the other
parents to give them the information.

The honour system of asking people not to distribute the lists
outside the school seems to work very well.

As far as you know!

Well, yes, I do know.

HOW would you KNOW? There are obvious abuses that show up to everyone like
someone using an email list for right-wing "the evul media doesn't tell the
whole story on Iraq" stuff (actually happened to one I was on a private mailing
list that was for discussion of the needs of those with a genetic disorder), or
it can be an *individual member* who was found using the information - you would
see the former, but you wouldn't know about the latter!



Once a system like that is set up, unfortunately, since a lot of
people *rely* on that for parties and the like, the situation
pressures people who otherwise aren't comfortable with it to sign up.


No, our school community is fairly intimate so word of mouth and invitations
handed to the other children works very well as far as parties are
concerned. I've never needed to mail invitations to other school friends at
any age of the child and only needed to hover in the background during the
process for the 5 and 6 year olds. In the lower grades most of the children
have a parent there at both drop off and pick up so it's easy enough to snag
one to arrange playdates or do an initial introduction when the child says
they have a new friend.


Then you really don't need it.


I think they're generally a Bad Idea. We have it only for Scouts,
which is a much smaller, tighter-knit group of people with real and
continuting needs to coordinate closely.

Perhaps that is so in your child's school but it would be a mistake to
project your experience onto everyone else in the whole wide world. Use your
imagination, Banty, the worst doesn't always happen you know!

Sure it doesn't always. But stuff does happen, and one really needs to be
careful about how much info you have out there floating around. There at least
has to be a *real need* for information to be distributed.


Having a list out there
*only* for birthday parties and such (other communications should be
from the *school to the parent* and *the individual parent to the
school*) sent out to people I don't know just to make addressing
invites easier isn't great.

I don't know where your "only for birthday parties" came from, was that
something someone else mentioned? The lists in our school are used for a
wide range of parent-driven volunteer activities and I've never struck
anyone with your reluctance or concern about pressure. In fact, when there
is a delay in them being published - and sometimes it can take a month or
so - we all start looking for them.

Well, like what parent-driven volunteer activities. Just so that my little
Charles can go to the birthday party of his bestest buddy and maybe I want to
arrange a playdate, I have to get phone calls to join ever committee anyone
dreamed up?? Having a little privacy and distance from the volunteering *is* a
legitimate need people have. One reason why I dont like those directories.
Have a newsletter! Then *I* as a newsletter recipient can decide where I can
contribute. I don't want to be standing wet from the shower holding the phone
trying to beg out to someone saying "please please please it'd SO much fun
really..." If people are working on something together, they can exchange the
necessary info between themselves. (Now *adults* haven't mastered that social
skill??)

Actually, I'm usually the newsletter person ;-)

Now, in some situations I might reluctantly put our information in (but HOW,
again, do you know who is reluctant - you only know who did or not) and may
pleasantly and politely deal with any of these other volunteering calls (again,
HOW do you know how I really feel - people DO put on their best face usually,
you know). But that still doesn't mean it's a Good Thing. It just means people
cope.


I'm happy you are satisfied with having no directories in your schools but I
would miss them and my experience doesn't bear out your concerns at all.

If you're someone who is enthusiastic about volunteering and organizing parties,
you might not be the type of person who feels the need for privacy the way a lot
of people do. And those people might not be telling *you* of their concerns if
you're really into the volunteering stuff.

Banty

.

Relevant Pages

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