Re: friend moving, DS acting out

"toypup" <toypup@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

"Rosalie B." <gmbeasley@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:c3h7241pajauqgvtk8eiciiq1rjiv8oujk@xxxxxxxxxx
There's a fine line between understanding why he is doing it and
enabling the behavior by being so understanding that you give him
signals that it is OK for him to do that because you understand. Even
if you don't do anything overt, children and animals pick up on the
underlying emotion very much more quickly than adults. And I think
that was what the person who suggested doing LESS with the friend was
approaching this part of the problem.

I understand that part, but I know what I would do for myself, and I can't
deny what I would do for myself to my own child. We won't be doing this for
much longer, so whether I stop getting them together today or waiting for
him to leave will not make much difference in time.

I'm not sure that doing for him what you would do for yourself is
always the right way, but I understand why you feel that way.

When I was a child, we moved a lot, but being sad or showing our feelings
was something that wasn't done, so I suffered in silence. I didn't act out,

My mother felt that way too - we shouldn't show our feelings -
especially to other people outside the family. Being angry or
passionate was just not done. (Children should be seen and not heard)
And I got something of the same thing from listening to the Lone
Ranger on the radio. (Before your time)

so my parents thought that I was fine. Just because they look fine doesn't
mean they are fine.

I think if you could deal with it without acting out that you WERE
fine. Sad, but basically OK. It might have helped to talk about it
with someone - I don't know.

When my dh would go to sea (Navy), after they were aware that
something was different, but before they could really talk well, they
would act up a bit (especially at bedtime which was when he was there
mostly). I realized what the questions that they wanted to ask, but
couldn't articulate, and I addressed them by telling them a story.

Of course, I did get over it, just like DS will get over it, it's just this
in-between phase I'd like to temper.

It probably is similar to the grieving process.
.

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