Re: co-sleeping is "bad"

Banty wrote:
In article <-qqdnXQqAsGOXIzVnZ2dnUVZ_qCunZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxx>, Donna
Metler says...



"Beliavsky" <beliavsky@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:f0ec4e42-43cf-40c5-bdf6-f08932442f3a@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Apr 24, 10:59 pm, mom0f4boys <momsh...@xxxxxxx> wrote:

It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much
about parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although
it took me a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my
toddlers, and letting them try all the equipment, watching the
frowns as I let my 2- year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember
feeling defensive and irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I
see that I was making just as many judgements on the moms who
hovered over their kids, and the moms who just said no all the
time. We all cared about our kids, and we were simply focusing on
different priorities.

Well, on average, are 2-year olds safe on the jungle gym, or not?
You mention how you felt but not that you did any research on the
question.

I think too many parents are looking for validation of what they are
currently doing rather than objective information about what they
ought to do, as if the main goal of childrearing advice should be to
avoid making them feel guilty. That was the tone of the OP's
message.

It doesn't matter if the average 2 yr old is safe on the jungle gym.
A child who started walking at 9 months, and was climbing everything
in sight at 12-13 months is going to be safer on the jungle gym at 2
than my daughter, who didn't start walking until 18 months, and
didn't master jumping with both feet until almost 3.

A few months ago, DD and I were out at the playground, and I was
talking with the after school program teacher (our neighborhood park
is next to an elementary school), and she mentioned how much more
independent DD was now than a year before when I was "hovering over
her". I pointed out that a year before, DD had been 1 1/2, and had
JUST STARTED walking. Her comment was "Oh! She talked so much, I
assumed she was older and you were just overprotective!"

Research is great, but research doesn't nail down one child and
their needs. My daughter has been very good at letting me know when
she's ready for more and when she's not ready yet.

Well put.

Also, the warnings, where they have real basis, often arise because
of the likelihood of poor practices or dangerous practices in *some*
famillies, being applied to all in order to capture the benefit for
those famillies. These guidelines and warnings are drawn up by
people involved in public health, after all.

For example, the warning against ever warming a baby bottle in the
microwave. Which, if you dig a little deeper, is all to do with the
possibility that the parent or caretaker would fail to shake the
bottle afterwards, leaving hot spots in the milk to harm the baby.

In famillies and settings which are not well organized or even
chaotic, you get a 12 year old tasked with the care of a baby sister,
jostling around with a 10 year old brother, taking the bottle out and
forgetting to shake it. But in my family, there was one person to do
it, who I knew would be consistent (me).

So I ignored that warning.

Not that the warning shouldn't be out there, but that it needs to be
intelligently applied to individual circumstances.



It is not the application that I have a problem with, it is the warning
itself that often omits the reasoning behind it.

I think that in terms of co-sleeping, my understanding is that a lot
of the deaths have been tied to dangerous cosleeping practices,
notably drinking alcohol.

I didn't cosleep because felt really uncomfortable with the prospect
because I can sleep very deeply.

Banty


.

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