Re: More problems

On Mar 8, 1:53 pm, "Sue" <sburke9...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

But, unfortunately,
she has always had a temper like this. Some of the tantrums she could throw
was epic, she could win an oscar for it. She throws things and breaks things
when she is really mad.

Fun, isn't it? (Not) :-)

There are particular emotions that cause my son to have tantrums.
Frustration of course, but there are other less obvious triggers,
especially disappointment, surprise and confusion. Which are emotions
that often come up in his social situations. And I've found that
structure (having a plan) and preparation (telling him what is going
to happen and when) are the best ways to avoid them.

Preparation is a tricky thing though. It's easy to overload him with
too many different possibilities, "if this happens then do that". It's
a lot easier to have linear rules, "first this will happen, then we do
that, then you do this" :-) Which can mean limiting the occasion so he
doesn't have to worry about too many possibilities. (I do a little
Halloween party for him each year which I plan out like a military
operation :-)) And because it's such hard work for me he doesn't get
as much social life as many other kids, it's just not possible.

Familiarity tends to help. (YMMV for this as for everything else!)
Doing the same things over again, going to the same places can be good
because it makes things more predictable. Being out of the house is
good too. I don't know anything about girls but I guess things like
cinema trips, shopping and ice cream, swimming or skating, could be
relatively easy social activities. Things with a beginning, a middle
and - most important of all! :-) - an end.

When my son's having a tantrum he can't be reasoned with at all.
Though to be fair to him, he does hear what I say and remembers it for
next time, even though he's arguing back and generally going ape-sh*t
while I'm saying it! But when possible (and it often isn't! :-( ) it
works better to instruct him before things happen, rather than trying
to intervene and explain things at the time. He just gets more and
more savage.

I am very pleased that you've found a social skills group. I do hope
it helps. When my son started I told him he had to go but I gave him a
little treat after each session. He was only six so just a couple of
sweets were enough! Once the group was familiar and part of his weekly
routine he was fine with it. (Some Aspie qualities have an up
side! :-))

Talking to the school counsellor sounds worthwhile. And if you're
considering getting more professional help then maybe don't go
straight back to family therapy. Instead you could ask for your
youngest to see a clinical psychologist for evaluation first (if she
hasn't done this already, of course!) Some of the things you've said
about your daughter's social issues and behaviour are gently pushing
my "worth checking" button. It doesn't mean there's necessarily
anything wrong or unusual going on (unlike my son, who is, as the
child-psych said, more than two standard deviations from the
mean :-)), but IMO it's well worth finding out either way. The family
therapist isn't best placed to pick out subtle individual
difficulties, that's the clinical psychologist's job.

Anyway, take this for what it's worth. I have just the one son and
he's a long way from ordinary so I know nothing about the trials of
ordinary parenting, especially girls and sisters! Hope things get
easier for you, and btw I think you're doing a great job of caring for
all your three girls despite their personality clashes.

Cailleach

Chookie" <ehreben...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
Hmmmm... with that level of irrationality, I'd be inclined to check the
sanitary (and chocolate) supplies.  If it ain't that, I'd be standing
there
saying "I don't want your opinion.  I want to know if you have understood
what > I said!"

You know, that definitely could be the start of puberty. But, unfortunately,
she has always had a temper like this. Some of the tantrums she could throw
was epic, she could win an oscar for it. She throws things and breaks things
when she is really mad.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

.

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