Re: Sibling rivalry

In article <MtOdnTyIJsBX9EzanZ2dnUVZ_rignZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
"Sue" <sburke9368@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

I need a definite consequence for #3 taking things that don't belong to her.

Of course. It's stealing. What would you do to her if she shoplifted? You
would insist upon an apology, return of the item, and then something painful
(eg withdrawal of some privilege).

I also think you have to look at what you've been doing up until now. Exactly
what response is NOT working?

I might have misunderstood, but my impression is that you didn't treat her
invasions of her sisters' rooms very seriously, and it has escalated to taking
their things and trashing their rooms.

But, what if it doesn't get ruined like #3 takes a shirt and wears it to
school without asking? Going into sisters' rooms without permission? This is
what I need help with.

She needs to wash, (mend? iron>?) and return the garment in as-found condition
or better. She needs to apologise to the owner both for entering the room
without permission and for stealing the garment (and to you, because she's
disobeyed you as well). And she needs to do a little something extra as
another deterrent. I suggested impounding another article of her clothing for
the same period it takes to have the stolen item washed, etc.

I can go with prevention and try to keep her busy.

Well, this is the crux of it. Does your daughter know that what she's doing
is wrong? Can she control her impulses? You do prevention mainly when you
can't answer yes, as in the case of small children. Prevention for older
children IMO is more not leaving temptation in their way. Something odd is
going on if an 11yo can't keep herself out of other people's bedrooms.

But, what if she slips by me and goes up there and gets into things that
don't belong to her? If she has made a mess, she has to clean it up.

Yep -- to the standard you set. And apologise, too. Don't forget that!

Repaying for objects that get ruined is a simple thing, but she doesn't get
any money right now for financial reasons.

Well, her restitution would have to be made in other ways. But I am rather
concerned -- is she ruining things through ordinary carelessness/clumsiness,
or is it deliberate, hurtful destruction?

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/
.