Re: Sibling rivalry

Sue wrote:

It was a while back, probably 2 years ago. The last time we went DD3 sat under the coffee table and would not talk. I have mentioned to DD3 that maybe we need to see the feelings doctor again, but she burst into tears (genuine tears) and I am not sure how to proceed with that. But, hubby and I have agreed that perhaps we should try it again. I wasn't real thrilled with our last therapist and I called the insurance company today to find out who would be covered.

I don't know if it's the case, but some of the things
you've said make me wonder if you're a bit too sensitive to
these things. Smart kids are not above using real tears or
fears and such to manipulate you (perhaps not consciously, but
they know what they want to avoid and they've had plenty of
time to figure out what strategies are effective for
avoidance). They're not really even faking it. The kids who do
this the most are usually little control freaks, and the thought
of losing control over their situation really *does* panic them.
Playing into their fears, however, is one of the worst things you
can do for them.
DD3 might be afraid of going to the therapist because
she realizes she's got your number and has a repertoire of
strategies to convince you not to insist on her doing things
outside her comfort zone, but she's worried she won't be able
to manipulate the therapist as effectively. She may just be
scared that the therapist will have *her* number. No wonder
she's crying real tears! But that doesn't mean that you should
allow her to avoid that situation.
Similarly to DD2's fear of going to bed alone. She
may really be afraid of losing control of the game she knows
how to play. If you change things up on her, *she* might have
to move outside her comfort zone and learn new ways to deal.
That might be what is really scary. But again, that's a fear
she needs to work through.

Best wishes,
Ericka
.