Re: A Room of One's Own

Akuvikate wrote:

Gradually transitioning makes sense, yes. And in all likelihood the
kid can be a part of that process -- ie, take some stuff off the
walls, maybe clear out some space in a bookcase, etc. I wonder too,
Ericka, if part of how you feel about this is shaped by the fact that
you moved a lot as a kid and probably were never that emotionallly
attached to a house or room.

I'm sure that's part of it. My focus was always on the
family, and to a lesser extent on the "stuff" rather than the
walls, floor and ceiling. But I think part of it was also just
that I was raised to believe that there would come a time when
I was to be an adult and make my own way in the world. Even as
a freshman in college, I'd have lived on Ramen for a month
rather than call and ask for money from my parents. I felt
that it was a time for me to take care of myself to the
maximum extent possible (which wasn't 100 percent at that time,
but I was darned well going to do what I could). I just wouldn't
have had the gall to tell my parents that they couldn't use
my room while I was gone because I knew I was a short-timer
at that point in my parents' home. Sure, there could have been
circumstances that would have forced me back there longer term,
and they would have been happy to accommodate (in fact I did live
there for a year between undergrad and grad school because I knew
it was only going to be a one year break and they offered), but
I always felt a little like a guest in the home after leaving
for college because in my opinion, I *was* a guest. They'd
fulfilled their obligation to keep a roof over my head, and
the rest was just gravy.

My parents have been in the same house
since I was 5 years old, I've moved back in and out a couple of times
as an adult, and it's no longer clear if my old room should be called
"Kate's room" or "The Bug's room", as my daughter now spends one day a
week with that as her playroom when my parents babysit. Our wedding
album starts out with pictures of me and my bridesmaids getting ready
in my old room. My room certainly no longer looks like it did when I
was in high school, but there's still some of my stuff in there
precisely because there's nothing more pressing to do with the space.

As I said before, if there really is nothing more pressing
to do with the space, that's one thing. That just wasn't the
scenario for my parents when I went off to school, nor will it
likely be the case when my kids go off to school.

Even now, grown and married with a kid (almost two) of my own it'll be
a sad, sad day for me when my parents leave that house. Unless it's
because our family (as in me, DH, the Bug, and Little Dude) is moving
in.

I can understand being sentimental about a house as
a part of one's history, and I've certainly had those feelings.
Maybe I'm just more ruthless than the average bear, but while
I feel those feelings, I can't see letting past memories stand
in the way of living the life that seems appropriate for the
present. Take a photograph, preserve a bit of memorabilia,
take something from the old and incorporate it into the new,
but life moves on.

Best wishes,
Ericka
.

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