Re: IQ and what it means in adulthood

Beliavsky wrote:
On Nov 16, 6:22 am, Sarah Vaughan <nanny...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Whether marrying a smart man in a calculated attempt to get smarter
children is a *desirable* thing to be aiming to get your daughter to do
is a completely different matter, of course.

What's undesirable about it?

The fact that any thoughts of your children choosing spouses on the basis of the relationship they can have with them rather than on the basis of the quality of children they can breed for society seem to be an afterthought, and any possibility that either of your children might not want marriage and/or parenthood as part of their goals in life doesn't even seem to be getting a consideration.

I'm curious - what will happen if one of your children picks out appropriately prime genetic material to get hitched to and then discovers that the person is infertile? Would you advise them to divorce a spouse on the grounds of infertility and hook up with someone who can actually pass their superior genes on?

What happens if one of your grandchildren turns out to have Down's Syndrome, or brain damage affecting their cognitive abilities, or any of the myriad other problems from genetic syndromes to sheer bad luck in the genetic shuffle that may cause them to have lower levels of intelligence? Will that child be doomed to be the Reject Grandchild, always left vividly aware of his or her inability to measure up to your expectations?

I've always thought of marriage and parenthood as experiences that I aim for because they can be so deeply fulfilling in their own right, both to me and to my spouse and children - not as some sort of dry-as-dust our-duty-to-the-Party plan for benefiting society. I plan to be spending a lot of years living with my husband, working with him on the project of raising our children. I'd find it pretty miserable to spend all that time with someone I'd picked primarily on the basis of his ability to father intelligent children rather than his character or my ability to get along with him as a person. I grew up seeing how happy my parents were together - not because either of them cared about the quality of the gametes the other was carrying, but because they so much enjoyed their conversations. I saw the benefits that that had for me and my sister while we were growing up. I've always wanted that for myself and for my children, and that's what I've aimed for in choosing a mate.

It would apply to sons too, since AFAIK
the IQs of the two parents matter equally Of course, there are other
characteristics, such as looks, character, athletic ability etc. that
also have some heritability and that someone would consider.

One of the characteristics my husband considered was the fact that I was an independent woman making my own way in my career and supporting myself and that he could thus be sure I wanted him for himself rather than as a meal ticket and sperm bank. I wonder how your children's potential future spouses may feel about being chosen for what their gametes can provide for society rather than for who they are themselves?

Of course
you would want a spouse that is smart, good-looking and kind for your
own sake, too.

I see no 'of course' about wanting a good-looking spouse. I want someone of good character and someone with whom I can get along and enjoy spending time with on a day-to-day basis.

When looking for a spouse, I was not looking for someone whose
interests were very similar to mine. I'd probably still be single if I
had held out for a right-wing, stock-market-following, chess-playing,
computer programming, atheist Asian Indian woman. In fact my wife is
uninterested in politics, is not an avid chess player, does not
program, and is Hindu. She likes to paint and garden. I did not give
her an IQ test, but dummies don't become physicians, and she seemed
smart in general. To sum up, I don't believe in the "soul-mate" or "I
want someone just like me" approaches to mate selection but rather in
looking for qualities that are more objectively desirable (and likely
to be passed on).

False dichotomy. The problem with looking out for a soul-mate and a clone is that it's an unrealistically high expectation of perfection, not that there's a problem with the whole idea of choosing people on the basis of how much *you* like their qualities rather than on the basis that those qualities make sound genetic material.

I wasn't looking for someone who shared every single interest and belief of mine either, and the person I found certainly didn't. I like the fact that my husband has interests of his own that I just don't get and never will - it makes him a better-rounded person. But we do share *some* interests. We do have enough common ground that we can enjoy talking to each other and spending time together. If we didn't, it wouldn't be much of a relationship (believe me, BTDT with a previous boyfriend). His intelligence is important to me, but not because I'm looking to breed intelligent children for the sake of society - it just makes him a more interesting person for *me* to be with, and means that, while we're engaged on the project of raising our children to be caring, compassionate, well-adjusted, independent-minded people (qualities that are far more important to me than their scores on an IQ test or their ability to breed 'better' people for society in their turn), I can enjoy talking with him.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

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