Re: What to do when your son tell you he hates you.

deja.blues wrote:
"Stephanie" <haaa@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message

Personally, I want to raise a child who does right for the right reasons, not because he is afraid to get slapped. But that is me.

I also want my children to respect others not just because they're the parent, or the teacher, or whatever, but to give respect when it's earned. There are an awful lot of crappy authority figures out there.

That's the ideal situation, but I doubt the wisdom
of trying to teach that distinction at too early an age.
The truth of the matter is that kids are not great judges
of when someone is not deserving of respect, and even adults
find that sometimes they have to respect someone's authority
even if they're not thrilled with them as a person. Adults
can make the distinction between respecting someone's authority
without respecting them as a person, but children aren't so
good at that.
In other words, you know you can't be disrespectful to
your boss, even if you think he or she is isn't worthy of respect.
You can quit the job, but otherwise you still have to accept that
your boss can tell you what to do on the job and you have to
maintain appropriate workplace behavior. Similarly, even if
the teacher isn't the best teacher ever, your child still has
to do the assigned work and have appropriate classroom behavior.
However, if you attempt to teach a child that he or she can
make judgments about which teachers are deserving of respect,
that translates very quickly in little minds into "I don't have
to do what the teacher says because she isn't nice to me."
It's not ok to be disrespectful to the teacher because he or
she is inexperienced, or even if the teacher is flat out wrong
about some things.
Some of those "bad" kids in the classroom whom everyone
complains about *are* simply kids who believe that they don't
have to respect a teacher they've deemed unworthy of their
respect. This notion that every teacher starts off without
the respect of students until he or she has earned it in the
eyes of the students is part of the problem. I don't believe
in blind obedience in general, but there are some areas where
you have to start with the presumption that you do what the
person in charge says unless it's immoral, unethical, or illegal--
not just because you don't like the math homework or even
because the teacher doesn't have the very best classroom management
skills.

Best wishes,
Ericka
.

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