Re: My 7 year old asked me if she was fat!

In article <7f7Ji.482$6K4.45@trnddc06>, Jeff says...

Beth Kevles wrote:
hi --

I haven't had this situation, but I've spoken with others who have.
Some suggestions include:

- Ask her why she wants to be fashionable. Ask her to tell you whom she
thinks is pretty, among the people she knows. Get her to figure out
that the people she likes, and likes the looks of, aren't necessarily
skinny like a model!

- Find books and pictures about people of different body types. Hunt
for famous people who don't care about being super skinny. (Movie
actresses are good.)

- Ask her what a good body weight is and why. Tell her the story about
Abe Lincoln who, when asked how tall a person should be, said "tall
enough so that his feet reach the ground". Ie, there's not one
correct size.

I do want to point out that there isn't a correct body size, there are
incorrect body sizes, both being too skinny and too fat. Being too fat
is way unhealthy.

and then KEEP TALKING. Offer her different role models. Get her to
point out people she admires, and get her to point out to you that she
admires them for different reasons, and being skinny is a very rare
reason!

Add in discussions about good nutrition and what the purpose of a body
is.

The purpose of the body is to reproduce. You can do that if your weight
is anywhere from being skinny to being way overweight.

(Being a skinny model isn't a typical purpose of a body.) Being
too skinny can interfere with things she enjoys doing, like swimming or
running races or whatever, because it isn't healthy.

So can being too fat.

While there is not a correct body weight, there are unhealthy body
weights, both too high and too low.

While I understand the OP's concerns about her duaghter's weight, one
other thing to consider is that aneroxia nervosa isn't just an illness
of not eating (or rapidly removing from the digestive tract that which
been recently eaten), but it is also an illness involving a distorted
body image. If the girl's body image (of her own body) is accurate, and
remains accurate, then it is unlikely that she will develop anerexia.

However, if the OP overfeeds her daughter, this will increase the risk
of aneroexia, and increase the risk of early death from heart attack,
stroke, and complications of diabetes.

So it is important that the OP doesn't overreact to her concerns, and do
a disservice to her daughter's health. And if the OP obsesses over her
daughter's body weight, then the girl will be more likely to obsess
over it too.

So the best plan is probably to develop healthy habits (eating healthy
and together, no unhealthy snacks in the house, getting exercise for the
whole family and encouraging everyone to eat until they are full - i.e.,
no commenting about amounts eaten).


Hear hear. A moment's reassurance is all that's needed for the question. It
could have come from anywhere, maybe an overheard tease or an overheard
reference to someone else - all this handwringing over societal concerns and
supposed societal concerns *can* give the message it's something to obssess over
- I absolutely agree with Jeff. Besides, recall the old chestnut about the
child who asked "where did I come from", and after having received an
age-appropriate version of "the talk", said "no, I mean Suzy down the street is
from Cleveland....".

Healthy habits, leading to a healthy weight and other benefits, is what's
needed.

And I'm getting pretty tired of the we-gotta-fight-the-anorexia-model-image.
Yes, a few have problems with anorexia/bulemia, but a moment's observation of a
crowd and a little research shows that the problem is overwhelmingly likely to
be the opposite.

Banty

.

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