Re: How to handle whining and crying?

"Cathy Weeks" <kathyspam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

toypup wrote:
There's a difference between whining and simply crying. Is she whining or
crying?

She does one or the other, or both at different times. She wants to go
to the treat store to get cookies, and I say "no, honey, they aren't
nutritious" and she bursts into tears. Or, I ask her to help me pick
up the train track she go out, and she'll whine "Why do *I* have to do
it?"

Your first mistake is giving a reason why you don't want to go to the
treat store. Just say no, and don't add the business about
nutritious. That just adds insult to injury. You might say "We can
go to the park" (or some alternate destination), "but not to the treat
store."

I supposed she could be crying and whining at the same time; but if
it's simply crying, that's different.

Why? And if it's crying, what do I do then?

Whining is under her control. If she has the same problem as you
did/do with not being under your control, then she doesn't have the
ability to NOT cry. But she certainly could not whine.

Crying you deal with one way (giving her time to get herself under
control), and whining you deal with another way (as below).

I usually tell DS when he's whining
for something, "That's not how you ask." Then, I make him wait so many
minutes and then come back and ask again in the proper voice. He has to
keep track of the time himself.

I've done variations of this for a couple of years now. What I wonder
is when she's going to remember to ask the first time without whining?
And when the answer is no, then she bursts into tears.

I wouldn't tell a child that he had to ask in a proper voice if the
answer was going to be No. That's just setting them up. If the
answer is going to be No then I'd say No whether he was whining or
not. And if he or she continued whining, then they get a time out.

If they asked without whining the first time for something that they
were not going to get, then maybe you might want to provide an
alternate possibility. So if they ask if they can go on the pony
rides at the fair, and you think they are too expensive, or if they
ask for cotton candy, and you don't think that's appropriate for them
to eat, then you substitute some other ride or food for the requested
item. (And probably you need to think in advance about what is going
to be allowed, and maybe prepare the child for it)


.

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