How to handle whining and crying?

Hi all,
I've got something of a dillemma here.

My 4.5 year old daughter is really turning into a whiner. The cries or
whines constantly, WHENEVER she doesn't get her way. It has gotten a
lot worse lately, because my husband and I took a long hard look at our
and our children's diets, and have made some massive changes - no more
junk food, etc. Lots of fruits and veggies, etc.

But even that aside, her tendency to whine and cry has been getting
worse, and getting on our nerves for months.

I know she does it when she's away from us - at one daycare, she
decided she hated it, because the other kids called her a baby, and the
teachers told us she would burst into tears when she didn't want to do
something (like walk back from the park).

Here's the rub. I myself cry easily, and have for as long as I can
remember. It's not something I at all like (I hate it that I cannot
hold back tears when I want to, actually). When I was a kid, if I got
into an argument with my mother she would say "what, are you going to
cry about it now??". It was about the meanest thing she did to me (we
actually get along great - that was the one bad thing I can remember).
It pissed me off, because I didn't *want* to be crying; I just couldn't
help it. I think I finally got through to her that what she was saying
was really insulting and mean, when I was in my young or mid teens.

I do NOT want to belittle my daughter's feelings as my mother did mine.
But I just can't deal with her when she's just burst into tears for
the 10th time in an hour. I've been scooping her up and putting her
into her room and telling her that she needs to stay there until she's
gotten control of her emotions. She usually stays in there awhile,
crying, then she starts playing with her toys, and emerges in a much
better mood.

My husband disagrees, because we put her in her room for time outs,
also, and he thinks she will see it as a time out for crying, and the
fact that there's not time limit, and that she can come out when she
wants doesn't really matter. He thinks she should required to stay
away from us, but be in any room she wants. I think that her room is
likely to be more comforting in many ways, than say, the living room.
But I want her to be where I can't really hear her (ie,not following me
from room to room). Her room is pretty good in that respect.

I don't know how the whining started, exactly. We don't give her what
she is asking for if she whines. We've also always tried to comfort
her if she was upset. I'm guessing it's an attention getting thing,
too.

So how do I get her to quit being so whiny and crying, without making
it seem like she's getting punished for her emotions?

This is really driving me nuts. I hate feeling angry (instead of
loving) when she cries.

Cathy Weeks

.

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