Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?

"toypup" <toypup@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:


<eliz_reid@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1158161231.169350.198940@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I've had a lot of trouble coming up with reasonable and effective
consequences for this behavior, especially where simple hellos and
goodbyes are concerned. At least where presents are concerned, he
knows he can't keep the present unless he delivers an appropriate thank
you, although this doesn't help in cases where the present isn't
something he wants in the first place.

I did have an incident when we were visiting IL's. Those visits tend to
wear the kids out, because we are somewhere everyday. We visited some
friends of their family and he was given a football. It was time to leave
and he was very tired and grumpy and said he didn't like it -- wouldn't
aplogize, wouldn't say thank you. I don't spank. Other than taking away
his priveleges from him, I wasn't sure of a good course of action for him.
Taking away priveleges doesn't seem to work very well. He occasionally gets
in such a mood where he is rude to visitors or hosts. At home, we can send
him to his room. That's not a good solution when the guest is leaving and
we are trying to get him to say goodbye, as it is hurtful to the guest. Any
suggestions?

My suggestion for any kind of situation like this would be - thank
the present giver yourself, and apologize to them for your child's
behavior. Tell them that you are ashamed of the child's behavior in
the hearing of the child. (Not ashamed of the child himself, just his
behavior) And make no excuses for the child to the present giver.
But indicate that there will be consequences for the child. (Don't
specify what the consequences will be, because you have to give
yourself room to think about it first.) Then remove yourself and the
child ASAP.

When you get home and things are calmer, have the child make an
appropriate apology and thanks - that is if he is of an age to be able
to write, have him write a note.
.

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