Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?


<eliz_reid@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1158166305.361557.160570@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Banty wrote:

But I think all that's needed is a little discussion with the child
afterwards
about gift acceptance.

<...>

That takes time, effort, and some growing up, and I don't think it's the
kind of
thing some punishment instills very well.

I tend to agree that punishment doesn't work very well. It's just that
so far it's the only thing that works at all. We've had many little
discussions (keeping in mind that he's only four) about gift acceptance
and how it's not right to ignore people when they say "hello" to him,
with zero impact. When you say that that's all that's needed, are you
implying that it's likely to make some sort of discernable difference
in his behavior? It's entirely possible that deep down inside he's
absorbing these lessons and at some later developmental stage they'll
re-emerge, but right now I've got a four-year-old who, if greeted by
someone he doesn't know very well (like, unfortunately, his
grandmother) will look right through the person with a cold stare like
he's an eighteenth-century gentleman cutting someone dead. If he acted
shy people would probably be more tolerant of it, but since his
demeanor sort of projects, "I know you're saying hello to me and
frankly I could not care less," people's feelings really get hurt.
This may or may not really be what he intends to be projecting, but at
some point this has got to stop, and so far punishments are the only
thing which seem to make any difference at all, although not as much as
I'd like.
#1 was like that a year ago. Not too bad with grown ups but we'd meet a
classmate when out and they'd bounce up saying "hello" and she would
completely ignore them. (unless it was her best friend in which case they
would spend the next 10 minutes jumping up and down and screaming and have
to be prised away!!) If I said to her "say hello" she would say "hello" in
an expressionless and abrupt way and refuse to say anything more.
I think it is shyness in her cases, just that was her way of showing it. Her
teacher thought it was too, and said that she'd had children before like
that. Gradually as she got more encased in school she relaxed more people
into her greetings, and now she'll greet anyone who greeted her.
Debbie


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