Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?


Banty wrote:

But I think all that's needed is a little discussion with the child afterwards
about gift acceptance.

<...>

That takes time, effort, and some growing up, and I don't think it's the kind of
thing some punishment instills very well.

I tend to agree that punishment doesn't work very well. It's just that
so far it's the only thing that works at all. We've had many little
discussions (keeping in mind that he's only four) about gift acceptance
and how it's not right to ignore people when they say "hello" to him,
with zero impact. When you say that that's all that's needed, are you
implying that it's likely to make some sort of discernable difference
in his behavior? It's entirely possible that deep down inside he's
absorbing these lessons and at some later developmental stage they'll
re-emerge, but right now I've got a four-year-old who, if greeted by
someone he doesn't know very well (like, unfortunately, his
grandmother) will look right through the person with a cold stare like
he's an eighteenth-century gentleman cutting someone dead. If he acted
shy people would probably be more tolerant of it, but since his
demeanor sort of projects, "I know you're saying hello to me and
frankly I could not care less," people's feelings really get hurt.
This may or may not really be what he intends to be projecting, but at
some point this has got to stop, and so far punishments are the only
thing which seem to make any difference at all, although not as much as
I'd like.

Just for the record, this is a child who can be really sweet and
affectionate when he genuinely likes someone. I don't think I'm
raising a larval sociopath, just a kid who doesn't overflow with
goodwill towards all men. Which is fine, but part of growing up is
learning to *pretend* to be friendly at least for a minute when someone
says hi to you!

Beth

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?
    ... I tend to agree that punishment doesn't work very well. ... discussions about gift acceptance ... implying that it's likely to make some sort of discernable difference ... classmate when out and they'd bounce up saying "hello" and she would ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?
    ... I tend to agree that punishment doesn't work very well. ... discussions about gift acceptance ... four or six year old and gets all hurt if they're ignored by a little kid like ... constantly reinforce and hold out what the right behavior is, and let the child ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Rude or am I expecting too much?
    ... afterwards about gift acceptance. ... I tend to agree that punishment doesn't work very well. ... people's feelings really get hurt. ... just a kid who doesn't overflow with ...
    (misc.kids)