Re: Trouble with Grandma?

xkatx wrote:

I've always been slightly put off by her
never calling, never stopping by, always expecting me to pack the kids up to
go visit her. .... For my family, everyone's always been
fairly open... If you're in the area of someone, you just kind of stop by
for a visit, sometimes unexpected...

People (and families) have different customs about these things. Maybe
yours is a "just drop in" family but hers is an "issue invitations"
one? Your MIL might be saying to herself "we invite them all the time,
she never invites us"!

:-)

At that point, maybe I'll sit down over coffee and explain to MIL what the
real reasons are and that it's not because she's not good enough or anything
like that.

Sitting down over coffee sounds like a good idea, but don't mention the
"not being good enough" stuff, not even to deny it! You know how it is,
those kinds of words can stick.

Instead be positive, "we would love to have the children stay at your
house, we just need to sort out these safety issues first" and then
focus on what to do about the *really* important ones. Maybe offer to
lend/buy baby gates and cupboard latches, or whatever. Actually I
wouldn't worry too much about the ornaments - it's probably only going
to take *one* broken doodad and she'll start babyproofing :-)

All the best,

Cailleach

"bizby40" <bizby40@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:SfqdnShOgYD4VWnZnZ2dnUVZ_vqdnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"xkatx" <xkatx@xxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:aj3Jg.20332$Ch.7459@xxxxxxxxxxx
I feel I should bring this up with her and explain it's not that I don't
like her, trust her, whatever, it's that her home is really not a place I
am comfortable leaving my kids at, due to all the potential dangers.
(glass, trinkets, cleaning supplies, stairs, etc) Should I bring this
up?

I think you should. After all, you have nothing to hide, and there's no
point in letting things fester. Tell her you had no idea she felt this
way, and it's not true at all. Tell her that it's just that her house
isn't really set up for kids, but that you love when she comes to baby-sit
for you.

Bizby

Yes, I do agree that I should bring it up. I really didn't know she felt
the way she does. I also think DH had something to do with that... There's
been a couple times where he's said that we should take the kids and drop
them off at his mom's house, which is, by far, a lot closer to us than my
parents' place, but we normally go half way across the city to my parents'
place anyways. He'd always say something stupid like, "What, my mom's not
good enough to watch the kids?" and accuse me of whatever. The words that
were used are what make me think DH had given MIL that idea, as he has said
in the past the 'not good enough' line, which is, oddly enough, how her
feelings were expressed to me through someone else.
But it still isn't that she's not 'good enough' or my parents are more 'good
enough' - it's just obviously clear that my parents' house is a lot safer...
1 level house with not so many things everywhere. DH is the youngest in his
family, I'm the oldest, so it's more recent that my parents have had their
house ready for kids (youngest brother is 17, other is 20, both still live
at home) and my parents haven't had no kids in their house yet, so they
haven't really been able to bring out or collect all the fancy ornaments to
display everywhere you look.
I do enjoy when she comes over here to babysit. She has access to the
computer here (which is all she really does at home) to play her games, she
doesn't mind going outside to smoke, as we all do that, the phone is free
for her to use, there's the TV, and we have cable, which gives her a few
more options of what to watch than what she has, she can sit and relax, do
whatever, and the kids can just wander around and play (or sleep, depending
on the time) like always. She now has a vehicle, and 6 months ago she did
not have one, which made it a bit of a challenge for me to drive to pick her
up, drop her off here, go out to do whatever, come home, drive her home,
come back home myself...
Maybe I'll take the first step... I've always been slightly put off by her
never calling, never stopping by, always expecting me to pack the kids up to
go visit her. I'll give her a call maybe before the end of the week and see
if she wants to come by for coffee. For my family, everyone's always been
fairly open... If you're in the area of someone, you just kind of stop by
for a visit, sometimes unexpected... if that person's home and not busy, you
stay for coffee. If they're out or busy, you carry on your way. Often, as
well, you call someone and just see what they're up to and see if they want
company. Perhaps DH's family isn't like that, and maybe if I call and make
an invite it might be different. I quite enjoy the unexpected visitor, and
I do enjoy the last minute phone call of, "I'm stopping by! Put the coffee
on, we'll be there in 15 minutes!"
At that point, maybe I'll sit down over coffee and explain to MIL what the
real reasons are and that it's not because she's not good enough or anything
like that.

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Sleep and older children
    ... endless battles for independence from their parents. ... time the day they leave the house. ... I'm glad both kids have nice friends. ... dinner, but then out. ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: OT and Long: On Making it thru Parenthood
    ... he can rip up his fake ID (I'm sure he has one since all the kids seem to, though of course he won't own up to it) and I can breathe a sigh of relief that when he and his friends come home on semester break, and sit on my back patio having a beer, I don't have to live any longer with that dread fear of being arrested for "allowing" underage drinking in my home. ... My boys are happily ensconced in their own lives, older one still in and out of the house but building his career, younger one entering junior year in college, doing great, and talking about law school. ... New Years Eve and no parents home. ... And then yesterday before they left, they called to tell us that they had decided that Samantha could stay home alone, so she would feed the dog. ...
    (rec.music.makers.guitar.acoustic)
  • Re: Maddie abducted by opportunistic paedophile
    ... The common day things they did in those books most kids did. ... Not at age 3 with two younger siblings in the house with you, ... parents out of sight, earshot and contactability. ...
    (uk.legal)
  • Re: Shes Hot Looking And Oh So VERY Dirty
    ... I am amazed by how some kids "make it" despite the odds against them, and the other kids born with all the benefits in the world still have trouble keeping it together. ... but I grew up in a house just like Choc's and the ... with my father, and would sometimes get motivated enough to ride our asses ... My immediate younger brother dropped out of High School, ...
    (alt.true-crime)
  • Re: Trouble with Grandma?
    ... Sitting down over coffee sounds like a good idea, ... inviting you over to her house, ask if she can come to your house ... am comfortable leaving my kids at, due to all the potential dangers. ... parents' place, but we normally go half way across the city to my parents' ...
    (misc.kids)