Re: Trouble with Grandma?

"xkatx" wrote and I snipped:

I do enjoy when she comes over here to babysit. She has access to the
computer here (which is all she really does at home) to play her games,
she doesn't mind going outside to smoke, as we all do that, the phone is
free for her to use, there's the TV, and we have cable, which gives her a
few more options of what to watch than what she has, she can sit and
relax, do whatever, and the kids can just wander around and play (or
sleep, depending on the time) like always. She now has a vehicle, and 6
months ago she did not have one, which made it a bit of a challenge for me
to drive to pick her up, drop her off here, go out to do whatever, come
home, drive her home, come back home myself...
Maybe I'll take the first step... I've always been slightly put off by her
never calling, never stopping by, always expecting me to pack the kids up
to go visit her. I'll give her a call maybe before the end of the week
and see if she wants to come by for coffee. For my family, everyone's
always been fairly open... If you're in the area of someone, you just kind
of stop by for a visit, sometimes unexpected... if that person's home and
not busy, you stay for coffee. If they're out or busy, you carry on your
way. Often, as well, you call someone and just see what they're up to and
see if they want company. Perhaps DH's family isn't like that, and maybe
if I call and make an invite it might be different. I quite enjoy the
unexpected visitor, and I do enjoy the last minute phone call of, "I'm
stopping by! Put the coffee on, we'll be there in 15 minutes!"
At that point, maybe I'll sit down over coffee and explain to MIL what the
real reasons are and that it's not because she's not good enough or
anything like that.

I'm sure you'll do what you think is best, knowing your MIL and her
personality. If it was me, and I was having this conversation with MIL, my
major point would be how I want her and the kids to have more time together
and suggest that she come over more regularly. Maybe phrase it in terms of
babysitting or in terms of coming to visit. Then, depending on how that
goes or whether she asks about her house, I might mention that her house
isn't as easy to visit as the other way around. For one thing, there's many
more of you to get dressed and in the car, etc. It might be possible to
have this conversation without saying that you think her home is unsafe.

-Patty, mom of 1+2


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