Re: Tantrums vs True Emotions


<mandymoon5000@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1155577035.841819.49600@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh, DD has turned 18 months and the tantrums have started. If I take
something away from her or I don't allow her access to something she
wants, she turns into a little ball of fury. I don't give the tantrum
attention. But sometimes she gets really upset over things that I
think are legitimate fears. For example, when dada leaves the house,
she gets hysterical. Is this a tantrum or is she just genuinely
concerned that dada is never coming back? I can't ignore this, it
breaks my heart too much. I pick her up, comfort her and tell her that
dada is just gone to the store and he'll be back soon. Am I sending
mixed messages? I ignore her if she's upset that she's not allowed to
play in the office but I comfort her when she's upset that dada has
left. Any thoughts?


These don't sound like temper tantrums, but more like the beginnings of
learning to manage separation anxiety and emotions. Have you tried warning
her about upcoming separations? Things like telling her, "Dad is going to
go to work for a while now. He will be home in time for diner. Let's say
bye-bye" and everyone gets to say a proper goodbye a short time later [five
minutes later, max]. Then, when she does become teary, acknowledge her
feeling with something like, "You look like you miss Dad. He will be home
in time for......" and then diverting her into an activity [just like they
do with kids at day care after they are dropped off and start crying at the
separation]. It is important to help her become able to predict events
reasonably, understand that life has predictable aspects, that she will have
feelings, labeling those feelings, and teaching her what to do with them.
This is one of your biggest tasks for the next one or two years, at least.
Enjoy!

-Aula


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