Re: Console or ignore a crying baby at midnight
- From: "Cathy Weeks" <kathyspam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: 12 Aug 2006 10:20:08 -0700
"Cathy Weeks" <kathyspam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
You're teaching him that if he can't go back to sleep by himself and he
cries, you will come and comfort him. Do you want to reinforce this
Yes. You are teaching him that if he's scared and needs comforting
that Mommy and Daddy will be there for him.
Here is what I mean about the competence and capability of children. Here is
an assumption that if a 13 mo baby is crying it his because a feeling of
abandonment (mentioned in above comment) and fear. Why assume that? Why are
solutions to the issue of child waking up in the middle of the night pursued
without a determination of the underlying cause? Because it seems to me that
the answer is quite different if the issue is fear vs sleep assocition vs
wanting to play.
You are absolutely right. A parent SHOULD try and figure out the
underlying cause. However, having been through letting a child
cry-it-out (5 hours the first night, 2 hours the 2nd night, 45 minutes
the third, and all night thereafter), I can tell you that that child
WILL feel abandoned after the first few minutes. And *will* be scared.
And I think that's a horrible thing to do unless it's a very, very last
resort and the waking up is really really really a problem.
That's the thing...Unless there are serious insomnia problems in the
parent, why is getting woken up once a night a problem? Don't most
parents go back to sleep? I don't understand why my doctors were
horrified that Kivi was waking up once a night most nights until she
was three. And given that nearly half of all kids DON'T sleep all night
before that age, why would it even be considered abnormal?
By 13 mo, me the worlds' most uptight 1st time Mom with the smallest clue,
could tell the difference between a cry of fear or distress and a cry of
Yes. Maybe the first cry was an-OK-I'M-AWAKE-COME-GIVE-ATTENTION cry.
So what? If you leave the kid to cry it out, it will BECOME a cry of
fear and genuine distress.
I never suggested that parents shouldn't try strategies for getting the
child to go back to sleep on their own. There are PLENTY of things the
parent can try. I'm also not suggesting that letting the child fuss a
bit to see if they go back to sleep on their own is a problem. I'm
talking about the screaming back to sleep. THAT is what I have a
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