Re: Should a 12 year old have a computer in her room?

I have 2 kids who aren't quite at the age (3 and 8 months), but I have
thought about this problem a lot b/c I am in the technology business.

A couple questions to ask:
1) Do you let your child have a cell phone? Kids can access, on their
cell phone, pretty much everything they can on the computer nowadays...

2) Do you let your kids have a TV in their room?

For the sake of consistency, if you said "yes" to the above two, I
would say "yes" to the computer. To your child, they might not
understand why one medium is OK and the other is not (remember, kids
nowadays just see each of these as a different delivery channel).

If you answered "no" to both of the above, I would say "no" to the
computer.

If you said yes to one and yes to other, then you may want to
rethink...

If you do allow a computer, be SURE that you install some software to
monitor their activities (both on their computer and your wireless
router). Then I would set some rules (which, obviously, you should go
over and the consequences of breaking the rules). Some "rules" you
could setup for the software to monitor are: list of adult material and
inappropriate websites, keystroke monitoring (very useful for IM and
chat - you can even have the software send you a text message based on
certain words being typed in - by your child OR their friend(s)),
etc....

Hope that helps!
-Frank

http://www.gotkidsnetwork.com - The Parenting Social Network





Rosalie B. wrote:
"Cathy Weeks" <kathyspam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Rich wrote:

I haven't really gotten the beginning post on this until now, so I was
reading blind and did not answer.

My wife thinks it's ok and says the girl is trustworthy and needs
privacy to do her homework.

Why does she need privacy to do her homework. Does not make sense to
me. Do you mean privacy or do you mean quiet where she can
concentrate?

I tend to think that unless she has some kind of ADHD issues, that she
should practice concentrating in non-quiet (not really noisy, just
like a normal classroom level of noise) environment. It is important
to practice this, otherwise you'll have someone who can only work in
absolute quiet, and the teacher may suspect that she's had
unauthorized homework help if she can't duplicate it in school.

I would not think that it would be that she would have homework that
was inappropriate for her parents or siblings to see.

I think kids shouldn't have a machine in their room for many reasons.
Obviosly there is the issue of the dangers of the internet, but, beyond
that, I think it will result in less family time/more seclusion. I can
see the girl being holed up in her room 24 hours a day. Also, there are
3 younger children who will want to use it who will of course claim "it
isn't fair".

I suppose it might be the case that she would get addicted. But if
you thought she might use it an unacceptable amount, you could have
guidelines for use, and remove it if she could not comply. My feeling
would be that this is less likely with girls than it might be with
boys.

I would NOT have a computer in the child's room hooked up to the
internet.

But I think the most telling argument against it is that there are
other family members who may need to use it, and for them to use it in
her room would be invading her privacy. I would not think that would
be desirable.

I did not have to deal with the internet with my kids so I won't
address that. I just know that for all my grandchildren, the
computers are family computers which are not in the children's
bedrooms, except a specific game computer which is not on-line.
These particular grandchildren that I'm talking about are age 6 to 13
years of age - The six year old and 10 year old are girls, and the
other 4 are boys.

I would suggest that priority on the computer be given for work, and
that it should be somewhere (other than the child's room) where it was
in a family area, but where she could work relatively undisturbed.
And that younger children might also have work to do on the this same
computer, which should be scheduled as needed.

There are games that can be played with two people on the same
computer (such as You Don't Know Jack - which I'm not recommending
necessarily), and that might be an acceptable use also.


What do you think?

Well, I'm going to be one of the dissenting voices on this thread. My
almost 12-year-old stepson has a computer in his room, and it's hooked
up to the internet.

He uses it primarily for game playing and chatting with his friends,
and some web-surfing. He has admitted to us that he's looked at some
porn, which isn't surprising to me, as most 12-year-olds have done so
at some point. He told me most of his friends have looked at it too. We
went over safety precautions with him again.. His computer is facing
his door that when he's on the computer you can see what he's doing
from the doorway. His door is pretty much always open.

We have specifically coached him about online preditors and what to and
not to do. We also monitor his use of the computer, and spend time
playing games *with* him on his computer so that it's not such a
solitary thing.

He also knows that if he crosses the line, we can remove his internet
access at any point. The cable enters the house in my office, and the
router is also in my office.

I too read the article and don't see it as a significant danger - There
were kids like him when I was a kid - they just didn't operate on the
'net. The thing that most people don't realize is that the internet
also makes it *easier* to find the preditors.

You haven't really convinced me that this is a good idea, although I
guess it can work out.

Because I worked in the computer labs in grad school, I've known an
awful lot men (not so many women) who grew up with computers in their
rooms - and well, aside from being geeky, they are generally
well-adjusted adults. I even know a few young adults (college age as
we speak) who grew up with the internet (somewhat more modern version)
in their rooms, and they are turning out OK, too. Some of them have
some problems, but they have a lot more to do with the the parents not
being able to cut the apron strings at an appropriate age, and who keep
bailing them out of trouble, instead of letting them develop a sense of
responsibility. But that has very, very little to do with internet use.
I've seen that same behavior and problem many times, both with and
without much internet access.

So, I suggest that it's *probably* Ok for her to have a computer in her
room (dependent on her personality type of course) - but to keep tabs
on it and her, and *if* it proves a problem, then address it. Coach
her on safe behavior. And in the end, she'll probably become more
saavy with safety than you'll be.

It's sort of like when you allow your child to do things on their own -
you make sure they've got the tools they need to be safe.

Cathy Weeks

.

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