Re: Re: Montessori question

In article <f9s3d25f4pahp47uclakjr4mc1bjuvhsov@xxxxxxx>, Merle Finch says...

On Thu, 03 Aug 2006 08:39:36 +1000, Chookie
<ehrebeniuk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

In article <f2m1d21kl115b7dedcfgihsh2aq0908v04@xxxxxxx>,
Merle Finch <merle@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

I think you're right. My mom is one of the unhappiest people in the
world. She's never happy about anything. Even if you give her a gift
of a dozen red roses in a beautiful vase, she finds the flaw in the
vase or a bug in the flowers. Always. She can't just say thank you and
let something go.

That's not unhappy -- it's ungracious. Have you ever told her off for bad
manners?

No, but my sister has. It lasts for about a week, then she falls back
into her old patterns. She's 76, so the intensive therapy she needed
50 years ago would probably not work now. I joke about it, but I
really find the whole thing kind of sad.


It's not really fixable because it's in a whole habitual and possibly even
integral outlook.

My own mother had that problem most of her life - nothing good enough; nothing
to be enjoyed. Or something was to be enjoyed, but if someone or something in
the slightest sullied it, it was no good at all.

We *did* work on it, she had therapy (and hospitalizations even) over depression
and related issues. We did get some progress. When she is watching herself,
she goes overboard in the other direction - constantly repeating how pleased she
is with something until, and even beyond, one of us has said "yes mom/grandma
I'm glad you enjoyed it". And leaving saccharine phone messages instead of
poison ones as before (but just as long and rambling). Which is *better*, but
isn't quite normal and really gets on one's nerves. But saccharine sure beats
poision :)

It's a chicken and egg thing, too. It comes from depression and/or plain
unhappiness. But if one looks at things that way, OF COURSE one would be
depressed or plain unhappy. But being depressed or plain unhahppy means one
would look at things that way....
One thing about the saccharine-ness is that sometimes it really does get her to
"talk the situation up". But this won't ever really be fixed.

Banty (who long ago determined that the secret to happiness is simply to be
happy)


--

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5222154.stm
.

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