Re: Montessori question

In article <1154439090.533991.26140@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
"Barbara" <mom_2_one@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

dragonlady wrote:
In article <1154375043.591151.169220@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
"Barbara" <mom_2_one@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

SNIP
Knowing your son's issues with those dishes, if you had a houseguest who
was fixing a special dinner that you knew your son would not be able to
eat, I'm reasonably certain that you would either let the cook know so
s/he could fix something else, or fix something else yourself, or
(depending upon the relationship) quietly feed your son somthing else
before dinner so he wouldn't be hungry, or have him fix himself
something else. But would you leave the table to cook something else
while everyone else was eating dinner?

Actually, as a houseguest, I would have asked my host in advance if
anyone had any food allergies or other issues of which I should be
aware. Indeed, I ask all of my guests that as well when I issue an
invitation. If I'm making a meal for guests, I want them to enjoy it.
This weekend, for example, we're having a guest with ciliac disease, so
I know that I have to make an entree that has no wheat. His son, OTOH,
loves my meatballs, so although that cannot be the only entree (wheat),
I'll probably make a few of them as well.

Perhaps my problem is that I'm reading myself into the situation. If a
houseguest, without consulting me, made a dinner that I knew my son
would not enjoy -- and, frankly, that I would not enjoy (and that's
part of my reading in, I assume your MIL *let her meal get cold*
because SHE didn't like it either) -- I would *want* to do exactly what
your host did, that is, walk out of the dining room and make a dinner
that my family would enjoy, although I probably would not. At someone
else's home, I'd smile pretty and be hungry.

Actually, my MIL said she loved it. Raved about how good it was, as a
matter of fact. My FIL enjoyed it thoroughly, as well.

And I DID consult her -- I would never cook a meal in someone else's
home without consulting them first.

I offered to cook it, and made sure she knew what was in it before I
started. She said nothing about her son (my BIL) not eating food that
was mixed together. She accepted my offer, in fact, with enthusiasm.

As a house guest for a week or so, I always offer to do some of the
cooking, and usually get menu suggestions from my hosts -- in this case,
I offered a specific dish that was a post-Christmas tradition of MY
family, but it was an offer that could have been refused. I didn't
offer with a "missing my holiday traditions" emotional pitch, either,
because I didn't want to put pressure on her to accept the offer -- a
few days after Christmas when she was talking about not knowing what to
do with all the turkey leftovers, I said I could make tetarazzini if
she'd like.

You are reading a lot into this that didn't happen -- I didn't just walk
into someone else's kitchen and take over, I didn't spring a surprise
meal on anyone, I DID make sure I knew if there were any allergies or
other food needs -- heck I even asked if I should leave some of the
bread plain, or turn it ALL into garlic bread, since (though it is
unfathonable to me) I know there are folks who don't LIKE garlic, and
made the salad plainer than I normally would have (used only iceburg
lettuce) because I'd been paying enough attention to know that's what
they preferred.

MIL never cooks any sort of casserole, so I hadn't had a chance to
notice that the 14 yo didn't eat food that was mixed together. I'd seen
him eat turkey, and pasta, and mushrooms, and cheese, and bread -- so I
knew that there was nothing in the meal that he didn't eat.

I'm not sure why you are reading into this that *I* must have screwed
up. Though I'm capable of screwing up, lord knows, in this case I did
not: there is no way I could have known that BIL wouldn't like the
meal, short of asking a hundred questions, and MIL had every opportunity
to TELL me, but she's not known for communicating information to people.

You may recall that in my original post, I noted that it was a problem
with MIL when we visited after I had kids, as well: any time she
noticed that one of my kids wasn't eating at a meal, she'd jump up from
the table to try to find something for them that they would like, and
literally begged them to eat. It drove me nuts, but was entirely in
keeping with her personality.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
.

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