Re: Don't know how to "fix" my 5-year old kid


<chrissypete2@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1149221870.630069.317140@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alvaradi wrote:
Hi, hope somebody can give me some advise. My kid is a good boy at heart,
likes to hug and kiss (and be hugged and kissed) and also cries a lot
when
his 3-year old sister "gets" him. He likes to draw and paint, he also
likes video games a lot which we try to restrict. His mother stays with
them all day. To get him socially involved with other kids and active, we
have him in swimming lessons, karate and recently in soccer. My wife
tells
me he is a disaster in all these activities, that he seems disengaged and
uninterested (like wandering around), with limited interaction (he
doesn't
get "picked" by the other kids as a partner) and would rather, in a
silly
and playful manner, follow his peers and try to amuse them with his funny
faces and throwing himself to the floor (and pretend he is hurt
sometimes)
to get their attention.

Maybe acting silly and playing clown is his little niche at this time.
There is nothing wrong with it, only learning when and where it is
appropriate really. Most of the five-year-olds that I've encountered
who took their activity-sports seriously were descendants of some
gung-ho sports fanatics. Since neither me nor my husband are fanatics,
our kids, as well as most of the others on the teams we've participated
in, stared at butterflies and planes going by and being amazed at the
neat new and apparently amazing texture of the field dirt. Come out and
ask him in a non-pressure way whether he really likes these activities
and don't ask in a way that makes it appear you are seeking a certain
response. My son wound up not liking swimming, and rather than
traumatizing him, we let him out, nothing like the other parent who
picked his screaming child up, ripped his hands off his body, and threw
him into the water. He will learn when he is ready and until then, we
just watch carefully. Neither of my kids could care less if others
around them are doing the same thing they are and whether or not they
are "conforming" and "fitting in", and honestly, those are good
qualities in the long run. You don't want to have a little lamb if you
get my drift.

I am really worried because he is going to first
grade soon (will turn 6 in December) and I think he will suffer a lot as
other kids will pick on him. His teacher says he is fine and that I
should
not worry but I know better. I don't know what to do to make him more
"malicious". I am not sure if I am seeing a problem were there is none.

It sounds to me like there is no problem. Nobody is going to pick on
him because he is playing Mr. Comedian, and believe me, I have an
8-year-old one, although he may *** heads with a teacher or two. lol.
It is a common practice around these parts where I am located that a
boy who turns 5 in the fall should not start kindergarten unless he is
exceptionally gifted because boys mature slower than girls and they do
better starting when they are already 5 and about to be 6. Ten months
can even represent a big difference in readiness in multiple regards. I
could have had my young-fiver start kindergarten with his friend across
the street who was only ten months older, but I opted not to, and what
a big difference there was between the two of them.

I agree with this... We started both boys in kindergarden as early starters,
knowing full well that the chance of them actually being 'ready' for grade 1
was slim. DS1 is going to be starting grade 1 in September. He's currently
in kindergarden, and this is his second year in kindergarden. We started
him early more to get a head start and to see where he would be come the end
of last year. Clearly, he would not be able to handle first grade at only 5
and a half years old, and being a boy, boys DO tend to mature later than
girls. DS2 is in his first year of kindergarden. He's going to be in
kindergarden in September as well, as again, he's just not ready to be in
the first grade, as he will only be 5 and a half come the fall. There's
also a full year (13 months, actually) age difference between the boys, but
there sure does seem to be a world of a difference between them as far as
maturity goes and even ability and readiness. Again, we started DS2 in
kindergarden at 4 and a half for a head start... Get out and about, and
quite frankly, DS1 had absolutely NO problems with a second year of
kindergarden. He simply saw it as another year to play with other kids.
Mind you, we did start both the boys in one school, and DS1 is in a new
school for a second year of kindergarden - we are doing the same with DS2 in
September - to avoid the potential problem of him maybe being felt like he
was being left behind or stupid or anything like that. Both boys are far
from stupid, just seem to lack the attention span and everything that seems
to be required in the first grade. Changing schools is then a brand new
school, new friends, new teacher, new year. Not same teacher, same school,
same work and activities but almost the whole class goes ahead and he
doesn't.
Also, from my experience in school, the early starting boys that did really
well, rather than just got by, were the ones that started first grade at 6
and a half, not 5 and a half. With the girls, it didn't seem to make much
difference if they started a year early or the year after. Girls just tend
to develop and mature more than boys do at this age. Boys aren't more
stupid or anything like that, though, and I'm implying anything but that.

The fact of the matter is that my wife "benchmarks" him with his peers
and
realizes that they are all more skillful, engaged, faster, etc. and our
son would rather pretend he is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle in his
little
mind. Any suggestions?

All I can think of is "shame on her." She is more than likely
"benchmarking" him against kids who were meant to start school a whole
year earlier than he. I certainly hope these comments are not made in
front of him; otherwise, he could be acting that way to take away from
the pressure he is feeling to succeed or out of fear of failing. At any
rate, it should not be ruled out that you could have the next huge
comedian or actor or explorer on your hands, and you should explore
those aspects of his unique personality, and I do say unique - he is
not supposed to be like anybody else.



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