Re: Tips on handling situations?


"shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1146347599.101204.80200@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I agree more or less with Catherine on this one. It's one thing if
the
child is told, "If you behave tonight at dinner, you'll get a
balloon."
But that wasn't the situation, so getting him a balloon would not
have
been a reward, and could have been handled as a gesture
acknowledging
that DS was disappointed and frustrated over the trains that he was
looking forward to.

This is something that DH and I disagree on, and I've gotten some
disagreement online as well. I'm not sure what the answer is.

My feeling is that if there is a specific punishment for a particular
behavior, that you give that punishment, and then it's over. DH feels
like if DD has been misbehaving, then we shouldn't be rewarding her.
And to my mind, that can go so overboard. Like, say she's acting up
at dinner, and we tell her she gets no computer afterwards. Then
she'll go to get ice cream, and DH will say, "You don't get ice cream
with the way you're acting." And of course, that could go for
anything -- You can't call your friends, you can't invite anyone over,
you can't watch TV and so on.

It can get ridiculous -- you start thinking, "just how much penance is
this kid supposed to do?" But people online have disagreed. They say
they wouldn't want to see their daughter all happy and laughing and
acting like nothing had happened either. They say that by allowing
it, or perhaps encouraging it (which I will do when she's coming down
off of one of her hyper-tantrum phases), I'm coddling her and not
showing support to DH.

So, if the balloon was not part of the original punishment, I would
not just add it on later. But no way would DH let them have a balloon
if he'd been unhappy with their behavior to that point.

Bizby


.

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