Tips on handling situations?

I know I'm not the perfect parent (as I know no one is THE perfect parent)
but there's some problems we're having with our 5 year old son that I'm
finding kind of hard to deal with...
Lately, I feel he's been acting up. I'm wondering what, exactly, I, or we,
are doing wrong or could change. Any advice or tips are definitely
appreciated...

Yesterday, we went out for supper to a restaurant. First time we've gone
out for supper in quite some time - I'd guess a good month and a half at
least. DS hadn't behaved very well. When we walked in, the first thing was
he was NOT happy that the train that sometimes runs along a track suspended
from the ceiling and going through the whole restaurant was not running. He
would not sit down, he was doing things to scare DD (almost 9 months) and
not listening. We left to pay the bill as soon as we were done eating, and
while paying, he threw a temper tantrum over a balloon. There were a few
balloons tied to a pillar in the restaurant, and he had wanted one. We left
the restaurant with him bawling over the damn balloon, and when we walked
out the doors, he was right behind me and hit me. I spun around and told
him to hit me again and he wouldn't, and once again, I told him hitting is
not allowed and it's not nice. I asked him if I hit him, and he ignored me,
and I told him that I do not hit him, and he does not need to hit me. He
then refused to get in the car and stayed up on the sidewalk behind some low
bushes, standing there looking at us like we were stupid, still bawling over
that balloon. DH told him to get in his seat now or we would leave without
him, and he finally got in the car, only to sit there screaming. I didn't
even bother to start the car. DH turned around and told him to cut this
garbage out and to stop acting like that, or he'd give him something to cry
about, and told him when we got home, he's up in his room to change and be
in bed. He stopped and we went home, with him then refusing to get out of
the car. I told him it was going to be a very cold and lonely night if he
was locked in the car over night to sleep, and by the time DH was at our
gate and I got DD out of the car, he got out as well. The neighbour boy was
outside, and asked DS if he was coming out to play, and DS instantly turned
around and said he has school tomorrow and it's late. I had to run out, and
not sure how getting him in bed was, but DH said nothing when I got home, so
I assume it was alright.

Firstly, is there a good way to handle situations like that? Lately, it
always seems to be something.more and more often. What should or shouldn't
be done? I, personally, don't believe that yelling and shouting and
hittiing him is the way to go. I don't believe that way gets very far, but
I am not all against spanking, getting my panties in a knot over it when
someone suggests or mentions it. I've just found IME that it seems to be
pointless and not the way to get a message across. My parents are from the
days of the strap, I'm from the days of spanking, and it seems DS is from
the days of just not being able to get the message. I've been trying to
keep my calm (yes, I do have a temper when my buttons are pushed) and talk.
He's good at ignoring. Gets that from his dad. How do you deal with a 5
year old just being a downright brat?

Also, a couple days ago, DS, DD and I were in the car. Can't remember where
we were going or why, but he was at it again. He sat in the back seat
saying, "I hate you." over and over again. I simply said, "That's fine. I
still love you." and he started screaming and saying he hates me over and
over. I finally just ignored it, but to be honest, I was trying my hardest
not to burst out laughing. He then, after about 2 minutes of "I hate you"
over and over again, he gave up when he got no reaction from me when I was
ignoring him, so he went on to say, "I hate Amie (DD)" and I said, "Well,
that's not nice at all. You know she doesn't hate you." and he said he did
not want her to sit next to him in the car, so the next day, I moved her car
seat from the middle seat to the side so they were on opposite sides of the
car. Next day, he said he wanted her seat to beside his seat and said he
does not hate her. Moving her seat, actually, was something I had been
wanting to do for a while, actually, since it made it a lot easier to have
space between the car seat and booster seat to be able to do up the seatbelt
for DS's booster seat. I was actually waiting for the OK from the health
center and also Alberta Transport if my one back shoulder belt would be
alright to use for a baby's seat. They called back and said it was
perfectly fine to use, as since the shoulder belt part won't retract, the
lap part was still just fine and with the locking clip, it would turn into
like a regular lap belt and would be just fine and just as safe to use. I
would have moved her seat over anyways, but I was waiting for the OK that
it's fine. Now about a week later, her seat is still where I had moved it
to, and he doesn't really care any more. Again, in the situation of the "I
hate you" what's the best way to handle it? I've always simply said,
"That's alright. I still love you" but that seems to make him even more
mad, and never before has he said he hates his sister. He has said he hates
me but loves his sister, or he's said to DH or I that he hates one but loves
the other. Should this behavior be ignored completely? What kind of words,
if any, should I say back to him? I find I have trouble NOT laughing, I
just kind of find it funny, and know he doesn't mean it, but still... It's
funny to me, and I know laughing to myself, over the situation or at him is
not the way to go.

We just seem to be having general problems lately. His behavior is often
not at all acceptable. Is there anything that anyone could suggest to maybe
do with him? There's only so much I find I can do... I can only sit down
and color so long, watch TV with him for so long or play a game for so long.
Is there activities that can be done that work around a normal lifestyle?
Is there anything that you've found has worked? Should we walk to the park
more often and let him burn off energy? Should I take away events like
going to the park with bad behavior? A while back elsewhere, someone had
suggested doing like a sticker chart - get a sticker for every day that
there's good behavior or whatever... Would something like that work? List
of activities or doings for every day, and every time during the day that
this is met, should he get one sticker and work up to lots? I don't really
want to try and bribe, reverse mentality doesn't seem to work... Anyone have
any ideas that we can try? Either for DH and him, DS and I, the whole
family?


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