Re: Giving a card to new baby and mentioning decessed brother, What's your opinion?
- From: "Shelley" <swarman@xxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: 31 Mar 2006 11:22:47 -0800
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Shelley wrote:
My husbands Nephew and his girlfriend had a baby a little over a year
ago and he passed away at 3 weeks from complications from having
trisomy 13. They now just had a new little baby who seems to be
perfectly healthy.
My question is, would it be alright in mentioning their first son in a
card to their new son. I was thinking of saying something along the
lines of how lucky new baby is to have his own personal guardian angel
in heaven to watch out over him as he grows.
I guess I've heard before how people will often not acknowledge a baby
who has passed on and the parents feel like others don't remember him.
So I thought this might be another way to say that we still remember
their first son but I don't want to upset her either.
What do you guys think.
My inclination would be to separate the two events.
I would send congratulations for the new baby. At a separate
time (the anniversary would have been good, but sounds like
that's past)
The birthdate of their first baby is still not for another 6 weeks. I
remember because he was born only 6 weeks after my youngest and my baby
is turning 1 on sunday.
I would mention or send something to remember
their loss. I'd be cautious about guardian angel references
unless you know that's consistent with their beliefs.
I don't think it would be a huge faux pas or anything
to mention their previous loss in the card congratulating
them on the new baby, but I think that some people are
already dealing with some pretty conflicting emotions as
a result, so sometimes it can be helpful to acknowledge
both sets of emotions without conflating them so heavily.
Plus, I think if I were in that situation and was saving
the baby's cards, I wouldn't want all the cards in the
baby's scrapbook to be memorials as well as congratulations.
It sort of makes it look like this was a "do over" baby
or something--not that anyone would intend that sentiment,
but I would just feel like the child should be able to
look back at his baby book and not be overwhelmed with
the sadness coming from everyone acknowledging the
previous loss in the same breath as the congratulations
for his birth. So, I'd acknowledge the loss because
I wouldn't want them to feel like I thought a new baby
somehow swept all that under the carpet, but I'd send
it separately.
Best wishes,
Ericka
I think I will keep things separate.
Thanks,
Shelley
.
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