Re: Dad feeling guilty

In article <slrne25u4k.780.Rich@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, user says...

On 23 Mar 2006 10:48:58 -0800, Banty <Banty_member@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
In article <slrne25lrh.3b9.Rich@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, user says...

On Thu, 23 Mar 2006 04:54:23 GMT, Irrational Number <nospam@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Wildcat wrote:

I have a situation that I would like to present. I am the father of a
beautiful and bright 18 month old daughter. I travel on business two to
three nights a week and my wife works three nights a week at the
hospital.
My problem is that when I am home I usually do whatever I can to avoid
having to spend any prolonged time alone with my daughter.

Isn't all time away from your wife and
daughter personal time??? Especially
when you're at the hotel, you can eat
when you want, go to the bathroom when
you want, read a magazine when you want,
watch TV when you want, veg out when
you want. Sheesh!


You have GOT to be kidding, right?

Let's see, when on business travel, the usual routine is:

o Get up at some ungodly hour to get to the airport on time.
o Spend hours in a cramped, unpleasant airplane.

Read stuff you don't have time to otherwise, think, relax.


I tend to sleep, actually, to compensate for getting up at the ungodly
hour. ;-)

o Rush to your client meeting/etc. and put on your happy face, no matter how
you actually feel.
o Eat when you want? Ha! No, you eat when you *can*, and primarily at the
whim of the client. Or, if you're doing something like on-site tech
work, you're often stuck eating from a vending machine, getting fast
food, or even less pleasant alternatives.
o Once you're back in your bare, sterile hotel room, probably late at night,

You can fix that, you know. Try this on for size "nah, guys, think I'll turn
in".

No you can't, when you're working with a client, or you're fixing a problem
that has had your factory down for half a day. You can say that when you're
with co-workers at a conference, sure, but when your attention to a client is
going to make the difference between getting a contract and losing it? No way,
because then you're not meeting your responsibility to do a good job.

Well, sure - depends on the job, depends on the trip. At least, when I'm
travelling to work at another fab, my clients will at some point in the evening
to home to their lives, and I'll be feeling pressure from co-workers to blow off
time for the rest of the evening. That's where I have some control.

Not every business trip is heavy-duty work-all-the-time
get-this-account-or-else. It's up to Wildcat to think about if and where there
is time during busines travel for him to get his unwind time. Because, in my
experience, the unwind time is there - for all the huff and puff regarding
working hard and pleasing clients. It's that it gets blown off so easily.




thousands of miles from your loved ones, you usually end up catching
up on your OTHER work that you haven't been doing, because you've been
traveling. Not to mention then having to work on the things you'll be
going over with the client the next day. You take a break to call your
loved ones, which only reinforces that you're HERE, and they're THERE.

Sometimes.

Sounds like a planning issue, frankly. Maybe take a closer look at that airplane
and airport time.

That only works when you get to fly the airplane yourself. Otherwise, you're
at the whim of the airline schedules, unless you've had your trip planned
far in advance.

Um, I'm talking about the time a lot of folks are sitting on their patooties
waiting at the gate, and during the flight. If you're snoozing, then you should
plan your bedtime better. Or perhaps realize that the snoozing is your choice
and that's how you're using your personal time opportunity. Blowing it off.
Instead get that trip report set up so later you can relax and watch Sumo
Wrestling on the Japanese TV channels...






o When you finally get to bed, you're stuck in an unfamilar room, on a
probably less-than-ideal mattress, and without the warm comfort of the
person you usually snuggle with. Let's not even get into waking up
to the loud noises of the ventilation system, vending machine, and
the couple humping like bunnies in the next room.

o Next morning, you get up to a sore back, pedestrian breakfast, and the
cycle starts all over again.

Explain to me how exactly this is better than being home, or in any way
counts as "personal time"? Personal time is doing what *you* want, *where* you
want to. Unless you're a workaholic who doesn't actually like their family,
there's no possible way you can call business travel "personal time."


Put simply, because it's *time* that you can use for *personal* stuff. It's
there unless you blow it off. What's this EXTRA requirement that it be about
"where" you want? Flexibility is the key.

How is it "personal time" when you don't get to be where you want, as well?
I suspect most people don't cart their bulky hobby materials/libraries/favorite
saucepan around with them when on business travel, and therefore, they don't
get to define the exact manner in which they use their time. You can't
disassociate the "where" from the "what" - otherwise, you can quite legitimately
claim that, by your definition, you've had "personal time" if you flip through
a magazine on the way back from the mailbox. ;-)

Truly, there is *nothing* you're interested in or want time to do that isn't
totally tied to what equipment/environment at home?? You can't imagine grabbing
a long-anticipated book for a business trip - you'd have to carry along the
whole *library*?? Or no co-worker you can convince to go have Thai food or some
other favorite that's not what you ever could get at home and talk about
windsurfing for awhile?

C'mon, you gots to be a little flexible and have a little bit of imagination.
Dinosaurs and all that, y'know ;)

I'm not saying that there isn't *also* likely a need for hobby time, but Wildcat
is talking about veg-time.

Cheers,
Banty


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