Re: Dad feeling guilty

On Thu, 23 Mar 2006 19:40:29 GMT, Stephanie <me@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

"Banty" <Banty_member@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:dvur7t0j52@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In article <uDzUf.7245$092.4102@trndny04>, Stephanie says...


"-L." <gentleboa@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1143093442.375227.99500@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wildcat wrote:
I have a situation that I would like to present. I am the father of a
beautiful and bright 18 month old daughter. I travel on business two to
three nights a week and my wife works three nights a week at the
hospital.
My problem is that when I am home I usually do whatever I can to avoid
having to spend any prolonged time alone with my daughter. I take every
opportunity I can to drop her off at my in-laws while my wife is
sleeping during the day, usually weekends.
I think that I do this because I am basically selfish in that by taking
her to the grandparents house I get to have a little personal time that
I do not get throughout the rest of the week while travelling.
The problem is this happens every week and I feel that not only is my
mindset distancing me from my daughter but is also overburding my
in-laws with child care duties.
Anyone out there have any suggestions for how I can work through
this???

Step up to the plate and be a FATHER. Parenting is a *choice* you
made. It isn't always fun and it isn't always glamorous. And
sometimes, it's DAMN hard. It takes HUGE sacrifices to be a good
parent



Does everybody feel this way? I don't feel that it takes huge sacrifices.
I
know we live our lives completely differently than we would without. But
they don't feel like sacrifices when we are doing them. There is no point
to
this but to wonder if most folks feel that parenting requires huge
sacrifices with that huge emphasis.

Oh, I certainly felt like (and feel like) I'm needing to sacrifice things
in
order to raise my son. I mean, I like raising him too! But I do feel the
lack
of those things that I've put off in order to do so.

When I hear folks say they don't feel that they're made sacrifices, it's
often
because they're happiest doing just the things parenthood demands. But
sometimes it's this pressure (that I've always resented) that, as women
especially, anything we do out of *love* is supposed to be no sacrifice
because
that's what we're supposed wabt to do over anything else. Which is it for
you?


It took me a couple of replies to "get it" but I would say for me it In my
case, I am just a little bit of an over the top optimist. If something has
to be done, it is more fun to do it with fun. I have a knack for *deciding*
to like or love whatever stuff has to be done. Hell, I've convinced myself I
LIKE to do laundry! With that kinda view of things, sacrifice is not the
word that would have come to mind. Change would have come to mind.


Now this is the sort of attitude a parent *should* have. :-)

My wife and I, for example have made sure that the children participate
in every aspect of home life as soon as they can walk. Even sooner. ;-)
So they start clearing dinner dishes at 2. Sometimes that means that
meal remnants get dumped. But it's *FUN* to race to the cupboard to see
who can get the paper towels first. Sometimes dishes get dropped and
broken. Sometimes it means that the freshly cleaned, wet laundry gets
dumped on the yucky concrete basement floor. But it's *fun* to see
who can pick the most in the shortest amount of time, especially when
you're with your giggling child. When you're doing things with your kids,
you do them differently ( and it often takes 3x as long ), but that
doesn't really matter.


Second, as you may have already seen in my other post, the word "sacrifice"
brings to my mind images of sanctimoneous, holier than thou nonsense that I
recall from my childhood. Oh Woe Is Me And My SACRIFICE!! :) I was slow to
figure that later part. Of course, there are many things that are way
different when you have kids. No one in their right mind would debate that.

As a thoroughly lapsed Catholic, I know where you're coming from. ;-)

- Rich

.

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