Re: concerns about 4yo

Stephanie wrote:
A little man in my care has some things that strike me as not quite right, and I would like your opinion if these things are in the range of normal. He is approx. 4.5 yo. He speaks very poorly, almost like the 2yos in my care. He refers to himself by his first name. He does not seem to get gender and/or gender pronouns. He and she are used sort of randomly. He will not/cannot call me by my name. He calls his sister by his name as often or more often than her own name. He is not potty trained and when saying he needs to be changed he calls both pee and poop poop. I *think*he knows the difference and maybe the distinction is not made at home.

I am about 90% that whatever developmental issue there may be has no bearing on potty training. I am pretty sure he is physically ready. He's *really* resistant to doing anything for himself. He associates as a baby not as a little capable boy, though that is lessening here in only the 2 short weeks he has been here.

The advice I am looking for is

- As his childcare provider should I be mentioning what I notice as not quite right with his mother, suggesting he might qualify for services? I am not educated in developmental stuff for kids any more than any other mother.

- Any other thoughts you have? Is there any harm in proceeding slowly with potty expectations?

I would think that it is very appropriate for a childcare
provider to recommend screening by the early intervention folks
when it seems reasonable. I suspect your early intervention folks
have some sort of set of guidelines for childcare providers to use
in making these sorts of suggestions. That might help depersonalize
things a bit if you do choose to say something. That way, it's not
"I think something isn't quite right with your kid," it's more,
"One of the services I provide is a recommendation for screening
when a child's behaviors meet the criteria put out by X, and
according to this guideline standard, you might want to have
your child screened by them because he might possibly qualify for
free services to help get him ready for school."

I think that two weeks isn't very long. I would likely
wait a bit before doing anything, since he's already making
significant strides. You never know--maybe this is more the
result of his environment at home. A little bit longer and
you'll likely have a much better idea. You can use that time
to gather the information about the early intervention program
and track some of his behaviors that seem worrisome, and maybe
also to target one or two little issues to see if working on
them under your care solves the issue or not.

As far as proceeding slowly on the potty expectations,
what other choice do you have? I don't think you can really
push it under the circumstances. I think you just proceed
carefully and observe and say something to the parents about
possible screening if warranted after you've gathered some
more information.

I would also suspect that the early intervention program
might have some developmental checklists that you could share
with the parents, perhaps in the context of "this is what I
work on with kids at this level." If his delays are due more
to inadequate expectations at home, seeing a list of what
normal 4yos really are capable of might be a revelation. Even
in our preschool, the kids make *huge* strides in so many
areas just because parents haven't realized that they are
capable of these things (especially first time parents).

Best wishes,
Ericka
.

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