Re: I'm ready to stop being the mom

In article <1139415287.127471.210550@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
cjrohr31@xxxxxxxxxxx wrote:

dragonlady wrote:

I'm not really asking how to make her stop telling me about the things
she's worried about; a person ought to be able to talk things over with
her Mom, no matter HOW old she is. Heck, I still like to talk to my Mom
when I'm worried about something. My concern is more about my reaction
-- I'm finding it emotionally exhausting in a way I don't like.

That's reasonable. And I don't really know how to tell you to react.
That said, as an adult kid who's had frequent worries I knew would only
upset my mom, I've learned what to tell her and what not to tell her.
She's never said "don't talk to me about that", but as an adult I
learned that certain things only serve to upset her so as an adult, it
was better for me to turn to other friends and family for support on
that issue. Being a mom, even tho her kids all over 33-50 yrs old, she
still worries and wants to 'fix' their problem and never really learned
she can't....so we learned to only give her worries she *can* fix!

This is interesting for me to think about -- when my kids were younger,
I certainly knew how to listen to their problems without thinking I had
to "fix" them.

And certainly one of the things a person learns in Al-Anon (or any other
12 step program) is how to stay on your own side of the street.

I wonder if, because I'm ALSO stressed about all of this, I'm having a
harder time letting her own her own stress -- if somewhere deep inside I
want to "fix" her problem, so mine will go away, too? Or if I'm extra
stressed because I don't even have great suggestions for her, not being
able to fix my own stress?

Perhaps just sharing how much the situation upsets you will help in
that she'll see it as a shared bond you two can gripe about.

Definately time to have a grown up conversation with her about this.
She's seen that I've been upset by some of our conversations, but I
haven't been able to articulate why.

Y'all are great -- this is helping me figure out what's going on with
ME, so I CAN discuss it with her.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
.

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