Re: divorced mommy of 3 year-old

In article <1137079848.031874.78310@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
chrismtoth@xxxxxxxxx says...
>
>Hi, I hope you all don't mind me posting here. I am posting for my
>girlfriend. She is divorced and shares joint custody of her son. Her
>parent's baby-sit for both her and the father while they work during
>the week.
>
>Her son, whom is about 3.5 years old, has been relatively great
>behavior-wise up til about week ago. Now he has become a nightmare.
>Here's the latest example of his behavior.
>
>We were driving to drop him off at her parent's house for the day. He
>was fine in the back seat, playing with a toy. He asked," Mommy,
>where are we going?" And she replied grandpa's house. He then says,"
>I HATE grandpa. I want to goto Daddy's house."
>
>My girlfriend calmly replied that he had to goto grandpa's house as
>usual and that Mommy would be back to pick him up after work.
>
>He then says," I HATE your house. I want to goto Daddy's house." He
>then starts crying/whining about how he likes Daddy better and hates
>Mommy and grandpa.
>
>My girlfriend gently told him that it wasn't nice to say "hate". And he
>just went on and on about hating his Mommy.
>
>I personally was quite shocked. He has always been a great little
>dude, and loves his Mommy and grandpa. He has whined and had fits
>before, but never has he said such hurtful things. I understand that
>he's only 3, but I am just worried this will continue and it will
>really hurt my girlfriend.
>
>We are both at a loss as to what action to take. We haven't yelled or
>gotten mad at him. We just tell him it's not nice to act that way.
>
>Should he have some type of consequence for acting this way and saying
>these things?
>
>Should we just ignore him when he gets this way? Say something like,"
>we don't want to be around you when you are saying mean things"

This is SO standard-issue three year old!

They can't really express themselves with much finesse yet, so a mere temporary
preference comes out as "I HATE...". Heck, his feelings are that well defined
to him yet. If he really doesn't want to go somewhere at the moment, he feels
it very strongly, something maybe actually akin to 'hate'.

His brain is still developing, undergoing many changes at this age. This kind
of stuff is developmental.

Doesn't mean you have to put up with it all without some correction, so, yes, he
should be gently and repeatedly told that 'hate' isn't the word he wants to use,
that's very strong, he should use "don't like" or "don't want". And none of
this should be taken personally by anyone. It really shoudln't 'hurt' your
girlfriend's feelings. No more than she think she got pissed on on purpose when
she changed his diapers ;-)

Cheers,
Banty

.

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