Re: T.v for babies.

P. Tierney wrote:
"dragonlady" <mehouck@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:mehouck-3835EC.18022405122005@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

You may not think they are lousy parents, but you clearly believe that
they are making a bad choice.


    Is it a problem that one might believe such a thing, or that
one chooses to state it publically?  If it's the former, then it is at
times clearly an unrealistic expectation, would I could expand upon.
If it's the latter, however, then I can't say much about that.


	Well, that's the difference between morality and
etiquette.  Morality is what you expect of yourself, inside
your head.  If no one else can tell what's inside your head,
there is no etiquette transgression.  So, it's rude to call
someone else a bad parent, but if you just believe it and
don't say anything, then it's a moral transgression if you
subscribe to a morality that says you shouldn't be making
those sorts of judgements.

Because of the language you use.

"Come on, now, I managed without one."

is a whole lot different from,

"I never found one necessary." 

    That sounds fine. But typical follow-up questions,
such as....

-- Why wasn't it necessary for your kids?
-- If your kids acted differently, would your philosophy change?
-- Even if you didn't find it necessary, why wouldn't you use it
    anyway, just like any other toy?  What do you have against them?

    ..... often drag attempts at politeness and concealment
of one's true/complete parenting philosophy out anyway.


	You're missing the point.  It's not an issue of
having to hide your parenting philosophy.  It's an issue
of not being disparaging of others' parenting philosophies.
So, I could say that DVDs in the car were not necessary
for my kids because they were able to amuse themselves
without one, that even if they had a hard time I'd still
prefer not to use one, and that I don't think it's a good
idea for kids to have too much screen time.  Others may
still disagree with those statements, but they are not
rude in the way that the following are:

- It's just lazy parenting to plop your kids in front
  of a DVD (because not everyone who plops their kids
  in front of a DVD are lazy).
- Everybody managed before without them (because some
  *didn't* manage well before without them).
- DVDs in the car turn kids into zombies/kids with no
  imagination (because obviously there are kids who
  turn out just fine with DVDs in the car).

....etc...

Those sorts of statements are just unnecessarily
incendiary.  They fairly directly imply negative
things about others who make different choices
from the speaker.  See, right here I could say
"It ain't rocket science..." which would rudely
imply that those who made such statements were
stupid.  I could say that people who do that are
arrogant, which is again unnecessarily rude and
incendiary, especially since most people who make
such statements probably do so without realizing
how they come across and without intending
disrespect to others' different choices.  I can
still make my point that I think such statements
are inappropriate without maligning the character
of everyone else who's ever said something like
that. I think that's a line worth observing.

Best wishes,
Ericka
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: T.v for babies.
    ... for any kids, not just theirs. ... >> of one's true/complete parenting philosophy out anyway. ... I could say that DVDs in the car were not necessary ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Tips on handling situations?
    ... suspended from the ceiling and going through the whole restaurant was not ... When my kids went through a phase of not having ... I have only one car. ... DH told him to get in his seat now or we ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: Tips on handling situations?
    ... I would've picked him up and taken him out of the restaurant. ... I would then sit with him in the car and ignore him ... No other kids in the restauruant walked out with a balloon... ... My parents are from ...
    (misc.kids)
  • Re: UPDATE: N.Y. Man Denies Letting Wife Kill Self
    ... I saw the 3 kids ... shrink instead of the forest. ... I then got out of the car and walked ... It's very hard to get into the mind of a depressed-crazy person, ...
    (alt.true-crime)
  • Re: The things you find yourself doing
    ... >>Kids are are a car wreck waiting to happen. ... abandonment and neglect and it is so much fucking bullshit. ... the 10 offenders and do something to them so gut wrenching, publicly, ...
    (uk.sport.football)