Re: Explaining sister's divorce to my boys


Banty wrote:
> Given that info, I'd say leave the subject alone unless the boys are
> particularly close to their cousins. If they are, all you need say is that
> "Uncle XX doesn't live with them anymore."

I guess what I'm really after his how to answer the question that will
follow. "Why?" They certainly do not need to know all the details,
but I think I need to be able to provide some answer and I'm having a
hard time coming up with the right words.

> How do you know that your boys woudln't comprehend it or would necessarily feel
> called upon to provide comfort? Unless in your household the idea of marriage
> is rather explicity and ideologically or religiously discussed a lot, they're
> really most likely to take it in stride.

I don't know if I'd say we talk about it a lot, but we do make comments
about how lucky they are to have both a Mommy and a Daddy to take care
of them and how DH and I need each other. A young mother in our
neighborhood was recently killed in a car accident and they were both
devasted to think about her children not having a Mommy anymore. They
immediately put themselves in the other kids' shoes. I know that this
is certainly not as severe since my BIL will still be around, but I can
imagine them putting themselves in my neice's shoes and thinking of
what their life would be like without their own Daddy. I don't think
they could comprehend that someone could be happy in that situation
unless I make BIL into a bad guy, which I refuse to do. If my neice
tells them bad things about her Daddy, then I'll deal with that later.

> If they are getting daily affirmations of love, and you and hubby express
> affection for each other, that should be no problem. If they ask or seem upset,
> simply affirm that yours is a good marriage (assuming it is). And don't change
> anything - dont' be more demonstrative for their sakes or they *will* worry. :)

Good point. There is certainly nothing going on in our household that
would give them any cause for worry.

> I think this is more *your* worry than about your boys. Unless there's upset
> about this in *your* household, they'll take their cues from their cousin as to
> what to say, and take it in stride.

Maybe I am getting too worried about this and need to give them more
credit. Thanks for your thoughts.

Annie

.

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