Re: Explaining sister's divorce to my boys

Welches wrote:
> My first thought was perhaps to try to stop them from making any comments.
> If it's new and raw, then the best meant comments could be hurtful,
> particularly with a child's point of view. I don't think there's much that
> they can say which will make it better, so if you can help them to let the
> cousin take the lead, ie if she talks about it, then fine they can listen
> and comfort (not insult the uncle either), but not to say anything if she
> doesn't want to. But I would certainly tell them so they don't leap into any
> "where's Uncle...?" sort of comments.

Fortunately (now I guess), my BIL has rarely come to family gatherings
in the past, so the boys probably won't even notice he's not there.
It's never been a very happy marriage and he's never associated much
with our family.

My sister said my niece is actually happy about it and that is
something I'm sure my boys won't be able to comprehend. They are going
to want to provide comfort and won't understand when she says that she
doesn't need it. My niece has told her classmates that she doesn't
think her Daddy loves her anymore and I'm worried about that causing
any anxiety for my guys. Again, I don't want them thinking the same
could happen to them, even though there has been nothing in our own
family that would have previously given them any anxiety.

The really difficult part for me is that it's hard to talk to my sister
about it because everything she says has to be taken with a grain of
salt. She tends to give enhanced details that are often what she
*wants* to see in a situation and not exactly what is true. There are
some situations when she's told me multiple, conflicting versions of
the story. It makes it hard to know if my niece really is happy about
the divorce or if that's just what my sister is trying hard to believe.
Her past behavior has made me guarded and I've learned to wait and see
things for myself.

Annie

.

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