Re: It's not fair

"Sue" <sburke9368@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:MeadnRVzMcj328TenZ2dnUVZ_smdnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> "Circe" <guavaln@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
>> I have occasionally used the old finger gesture of the index finger
>> sawing
>> across the thumb and saying "This is the world's smallest fiddle playing
>> the world's saddest song". Not so much with my sister as with whiny
>> adults
>> (which does happen on occasion). Probably wouldn't work, though.
>>
>> FWIW, Sue, my 6yo daughter is FOREVER complaining that things aren't
>> fair.
>> She and your DD3 seem to share quite a few other personality traits, so
>> perhaps it just comes with the personality. Doesn't make it any easier, I
>> know, but maybe it helps a little to know you're not alone.
>
> This is one of those issues that I know is normal, but it makes me crazy.
> It
> does help that others are hearing the same thing. I like your little
> violin.
> I had to chuckle when she was in the bathroom crying and talking to
> herself
> (I was listening outside the door). She was going on and on about how she
> doesn't get to do this or that and then she was saying she never gets to
> go
> on vacation, but then she had to correct herself because she knew that
> wasn't true so she ended up saying, well I don't get to go on vacation as
> much as Madyson (her friend) does.

That is funny!

> Then at bedtime she says, Allison is so
> lucky to be able to explore the world. I think this is an adult trapped in
> a
> child's body. She's a hoot sometimes. I am finally beginning to appreciate
> her traits and take them for what it is.

LOL, I'm glad.

You know, one thing that occurred to me while I was in the shower that I
wanted to add to this thread is that I think sometimes (and perhaps as often
as not), "It's not fair" is kid-code for "I'm afraid you don't love me as
much as you love my sister(s)/brother(s)". In those cases, responding that
life *isn't* fair isn't very helpful, because you're implicitly confirming
their fears! I always try to balance my responses in situations where I
think envy of a sibling is tied up with concern about not being loved by
reassuring the complaining child know that while life might not *seem* fair,
that's because different people get to do different things at different
times, not because anyone's being specially rewarded or is loved any more
than anyone else. Not always an easy balance to strike, but something I do
think is important, especially for the types of kids who tend to worry about
fairness. (I think they worry about it in part because they think
*unfairness* has a deeper meaning.)
--
Be well, Barbara


.

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