Re: Question for parents of grownups

In article <mehouck-95AB36.20162619092005@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
dragonlady says...
>
>In article <dgnrcr02jf4@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
> Banty <Banty_member@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>> >As I said, the ages make a difference here -- and expectations have to
>> >take their stage of life into account.
>> >
>> >One of the things on our family agenda, however, is to discuss this
>> >again in the near future; I'm not delighted with the current set up.
>> >I'm not sure where we'll go with this, but I am not wildly miserable
>> >over it, and am confident that the four of us will be able to work
>> >things out.
>>
>> But it sounds like you're acquiesced to it. For change, it would be a a fair
>> amount of committment all the way around. If *you're* half on the other side
>> already, that change won't happen.
>>
>> Which is all fair and good about dinnertime. But, my wager, it's that, then
>> there's something else, and something else, and you end up subsumed in all
>> these
>> other lives. Is that tenable for you over the long term?
>
>No -- in the long run the kids move out, and dinner most every night is
>just DH and I.
>
>The thing is, with work schedules being what they are, it's harder and
>harder to find a time when we COULD have dinner.
>
>Right now, DH is at a meeting he attends every other week; he went
>straight from work, and probably grabbed something on the way.
>
>DD2 is at work -- went straight from school to work, and will be home
>around midnight.
>
>DD1 doesn't live at home, but even if she did, she's at school.
>
>The boyfriend is also at school.
>
>DS is sleeping -- he was in school until 2:00, and works tonight at
>midnight.
>
>I LIKE having the family around the table for dinner, but, clearly, it
>can't happen tonight. Tomorrow night is close to the same schedule --
>except that DD1 will be at work, and DH will come home BEFORE he heads
>off to his Tuesday night meeting. I'm not sure about Wednesday yet,
>except that *I* have choir practice, so dinner has to be before 6:30. I
>think DS doesn't work that night -- but with his work schedule, he may
>STILL be asleep, and I'm disinclined to wake him to eat. Thursday or
>Friday might be possible for family dinner -- and I may work at trying
>to know how many people are likely to be here that night!
>
>I have tried to get the kids' schedules straight, so I know what
>evenings they MIGHT be home for dinner, but the fact is their schedules
>change: they don't have set work schedules (places that hire younger
>people are often like that), and study sessions (and social events) with
>other students often get scheduled at the last minute.
>
>I may be frustrated by the current situation -- but I also acknowledge
>that everyone is doing what they have to do for themselves. I'm not so
>much subsumed, as no longer a major part of their lives -- but as our
>children grow up, that's what's supposed to happen.

OK then you're settled in your current meal arrangement, but haven't "caught up"
with the idea yourself that it means you, too - you get to eat however,
whenever, yes, in front of other people.

Banty

.

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