Re: Question for parents of grownups

In article <dgnrcr02jf4@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
Banty <Banty_member@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> >As I said, the ages make a difference here -- and expectations have to
> >take their stage of life into account.
> >
> >One of the things on our family agenda, however, is to discuss this
> >again in the near future; I'm not delighted with the current set up.
> >I'm not sure where we'll go with this, but I am not wildly miserable
> >over it, and am confident that the four of us will be able to work
> >things out.
>
> But it sounds like you're acquiesced to it. For change, it would be a a fair
> amount of committment all the way around. If *you're* half on the other side
> already, that change won't happen.
>
> Which is all fair and good about dinnertime. But, my wager, it's that, then
> there's something else, and something else, and you end up subsumed in all
> these
> other lives. Is that tenable for you over the long term?

No -- in the long run the kids move out, and dinner most every night is
just DH and I.

The thing is, with work schedules being what they are, it's harder and
harder to find a time when we COULD have dinner.

Right now, DH is at a meeting he attends every other week; he went
straight from work, and probably grabbed something on the way.

DD2 is at work -- went straight from school to work, and will be home
around midnight.

DD1 doesn't live at home, but even if she did, she's at school.

The boyfriend is also at school.

DS is sleeping -- he was in school until 2:00, and works tonight at
midnight.

I LIKE having the family around the table for dinner, but, clearly, it
can't happen tonight. Tomorrow night is close to the same schedule --
except that DD1 will be at work, and DH will come home BEFORE he heads
off to his Tuesday night meeting. I'm not sure about Wednesday yet,
except that *I* have choir practice, so dinner has to be before 6:30. I
think DS doesn't work that night -- but with his work schedule, he may
STILL be asleep, and I'm disinclined to wake him to eat. Thursday or
Friday might be possible for family dinner -- and I may work at trying
to know how many people are likely to be here that night!

I have tried to get the kids' schedules straight, so I know what
evenings they MIGHT be home for dinner, but the fact is their schedules
change: they don't have set work schedules (places that hire younger
people are often like that), and study sessions (and social events) with
other students often get scheduled at the last minute.

I may be frustrated by the current situation -- but I also acknowledge
that everyone is doing what they have to do for themselves. I'm not so
much subsumed, as no longer a major part of their lives -- but as our
children grow up, that's what's supposed to happen.

Parenting is the only job I know where your major goal is to work
yourself out of a job!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

.

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