Re: Question for parents of grownups

In article <mehouck-D77171.15014919092005@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
dragonlady says...
>
>In article <SfGXe.1116$Ba2.816@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
> "toypup" <toypup@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>> "dragonlady" <mehouck@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
>> news:mehouck-BDC0E2.13020619092005@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>> > In article <ri5ui1t84bpqnrkotsb9h5qc2di2nj51cl@xxxxxxx>,
>> > With the kids' weird work/school schedules, I'm afraid the dinner ship
>> > has sailed -- one of the things I'm really struggling with right now is
>> > that I never know who's going to be here for dinner. Even when I ask,
>> > their plans change, or friends will drop by -- I've gone both
>> > directions, from preparing a meal for 5 or 6, only to be down to just DH
>> > and I by the time it's done, to preparing a meal for DH and I -- only to
>> > have a houseful when it's time to sit down to eat! I don't LIKE having
>> > dinner with just DH when others are in the house. (Of course, their OWN
>> > eating schedules are different, too -- they may need to eat dinner by 6,
>> > while DH and I aren't ready until 7:30 or 8.)
>>
>> That would really bug me. If they say they're coming for dinner, they'd
>> better be there. I can't stand preparing food for people who don't show up,
>> unless it's really an emergency. If it were that way, I'd just prepare for
>> whoever I know will be there and the rest have to fend for themselves. If
>> they want food, they'd better tell me and they'd better show up.
>>
>>
>
>They're perfectly happy with that approach -- they'll eat when they're
>hungry, and I shouldn't worry about feeding them.
>
>However, it is a problem for ME, because I'd rather we all sat down to
>dinner together.
>
>Unfortunately, from what I have been able to learn from other families,
>this is pretty common in households with lots of college age people in
>it.
>
>We'll work this one out eventually.


But "other families" shouldn't be your guide.

If it's a problem for you, it's a problem. And - *are* they feeding themselves?
You might not up and make them a meal whenever they want, but what are the
regrigerator-stocking rules around your house?

See, this is where I see you're getting mixed up between love and practicality.
This is a point where the question I proposed may help.

Pretend that, instead of your daughter and BF, you have at your house a beloved
brother and his wife from Slidemore, LA. They're NOT going back; they're
staying with you while he gets his CA teacher's certificate and she gets some
associate's degree in semiconductor processing in SJSU with settling somewhere
nearby in mind. They're staying with you indefinately but not forever while
they get themselves on their feet.

You love them. But you don't have this parental thang confusing you ;-)

So, would you let THEM eat however, whenever, whether you're comfortable with
that or not? Possibly - you seem much more comfortable with communal
arrangements than a lot of people.

But it you've told us the real answer is - NO. So, would you have any problem
discussing a meal arrangement, working around classes and transportation, with
your beloved brother and sis-in-law?

What would you do if you love them, they're with you indefinately 'cause they do
need your help, but they're not your actual kids?

Banty

.

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